The start of fall - Application of Love and Logic

Hello Friends!

As you know, Sofie is an amazing bundle of energy and joy (most of the time joy - sometimes crazy). We are so blessed that she joined our family.  Next year she starts kindergarten, and it amazes me how grown up she will be.  The time where she was a short toddler singing "twinkle twinkle" seems like a distant memory. 

For these crazy times, we ordered the 0-6 Year box set of Love & Logic, which included 2 books and 4 CDs.  It has been an experiment applying these techniques to our 4 year old.  Sometimes they work, sometimes they don't.

The whole premise is that you are consistent with your child at all times and let THEM figure out what went wrong & avoid the mishap again.  It is tricky to see that your child is going to have an "accident" - whether dropping a cup on the floor, flipping a chair onto another person, or having dinner time be over because they are flinging food across the room.  You express sadness that the accident occurred, and you let the child take responsibility for himself/herself.  Sofie has had to own up to a lot of these types of situations (when she flipped her chair at a restaurant and hit another lady -we didn't see that coming- she had to apologize and figure out what happened there).  Now, if we say, "Do you remember what happened to you at that restaurant" when she is wiggling like a maniac on her chair, she does and immediately stops.  We have also taken away the 3-strikes-you're-out timeout scheme we had, and there are immediate consequences if she continues a course of action we have requested that she stop.  She can choose between a time out on the stairs or some quiet time in her room until she is ready to "be sweet".  The last thing we have done is given her a ton of decision making capacity so she is in control of what is happening.

In the morning ..."Do you want kefir or fruit first"...

... At bedtime, "do you want to brush your teeth or put on jammies first"...

Etc. 

It has given her a lot of her control back, and she is definitely more willing to do occasional commands more often without a fight.  We also don't spend a lot of time reasoning with her which made a huge difference.

There are still the occasional temper tantrums occurring, but they are much less frequent than before.  I recommend it to anyone.  You can also use this on kids, tweens, teens, and adults. I have had success using it with a difficult colleague actually too.

It has been very exciting.

Sofie recently got a new teacher at school, and it seems like there are bumpy times ahead.  At first, she was getting star daily ratings, and this week, something is going on at school where Sofie is rebelling a bit.  I am not sure if it is the management style or Sofie testing limits again.  I also have been working more (got a new job and my boss was in town last week), so this might be part of it.  I am headed out of town this week so it will be interesting to see how it goes.

A funny thing that has recently happened is that Sofie has been assigning us names & characters and directing our play.  She tells me that I am Soda & she is Hildegard - yes, she made up these names and we dont know their significance - it was hilarious the first couple times.  She uses the names all the time, and sometimes we are bears or mice or monsters or cooking... It makes me laugh.

We are also working on baking/cooking with Sofie.  She has become our main stirrer and seasoner of cookies and dinner.  This morning, we made apple juice together, and the fruit of our labor (hahaha) was delicious.  She sure loves to help us cook.

Anyway, this is the end of my quiet time.  I Hope you have a super week.

Saying goodbye to an old friend

On another topic, today is officially day 1 of the 'eat to live' plan. 

I have been doing the plan for the last couple weeks but I had a hard time committing to give up one holy grail addiction that seems to be pretty important - caffeine.  Let me just say, I love coffee. I love its warmth and dark flavor. I love the smell wafting from the coffee pot. I love selecting the right mug that meets my mood and pouring my brew slowly into the cup. Yes, I burn my mouth each morning with that first sip I can't resist. I love taking my time with that first cup in the morning. I will miss it. Decaf doesn't do it for me, unfortunately. I always get heartburn. 

The plan talks a lot about caffeine and it long term effects on the body. I want to be healthy and live as long as I can.

So, I gave it up the coffee cold turkey this morning.  I am feeling the effects of detox already and have a major headache. I am already tempted to make a quick, small pot... To just have a single cup to take the edge off the pain of giving up my morning companion.  They say the pain won't last and that I can do it. I will just have to do this one day at a time and hope for the best. 

Good bye old friend.

Tantrum City

Summer is coming to a close for most kids and I am grateful we have one more year of Sofie at home with us.  Yes, she goes to preschool but everything will be different so soon. I can't believe we will be coming on 2 years with her in our life in November. It will be here before I know it.

We are struggling a bit with her a bit lately.  She is really pushing boundaries and has this tone that really grates on my soul.  If she doesn't get what she wants, the temper tantrum starts.  It doesn't happen consistently but today has been one big tantrum day.  Yikes.

Any suggestions?

Grey clouds

I am sitting down for a moment and thinking of kindness.

Sometimes I find it really hard in my heart to show it to everyone. When I am harboring some anger and resentment, I don't know what to do with the rage. It boils inside of me and I want to hit things.  What do I do?

I am sitting here breathing and hoping everything will be ok. Despite the lack of kindness some people display, I have to hope that if I keep doing the same thing, they will eventually grow up.  They will see the amazing people they have in their lives who have lifted and supported them during tough times.  Maybe they will never be able to extend the thankfulness and graciousness that I wish they would find.

All I can do is my best.  And visualize light. And be light in my heart and thankful for the goodness in my life.  I guess that is the answer to kindness.  And if I kill them with kindness, then so be it.

Tea Party Time

I completed a weekend full of fellowship, and it was so good.

When I was caught up in work and 'life' in the past, the first thing that went away was meeting up with friends. It was too easy. That transition between university and being a 'grown-up' broke the convenience of my friends living no more than 3 blocks away.  I moved to a new city.  

It suddenly became 'work' to have to drive that extra 30 minutes to see someone for an hour.

That first year, I made the effort. Through networking, a group of young single ladies came together and we did try to keep that university meet-up kind of thing going on... But then I started traveling and life got complicated. I met someone and moved to Norway and had to start over again.  This was the time before Internet, and it was just different.

When I returned back to the US, everyone I knew was gone from inside the city. The closest friends had moved an hour away & had kids, which made meeting up that much harder.  New friends were harder to find because I was working all the time, and my positions were not always enjoyable (which did not attract happy people to me).  Then, came another move. And then another.  It was hard to remember what having close friendship in my life felt like.

Flash forward to 17 years later, and I am experiencing a renaissance. I am meeting people in my community and it is easy to meet up because we live 5 minutes away. We have similar interests and we see each other 4-5 days a week.  When people come to town, I am making an effort to see them. They helped shape me, and we are connected.  

I make regular appointments with people who are a priority for me, and I show up even though it is work to get there because I have realized life is so much better with them in it.

For the special friends who don't live close, I make the effort to be connected.  It is worth it.

Our adoption process felt like we took everyone on the journey with us (at least my friends), and as we live and grow together, we are each connected through the experience.

It is really nice that I have built the foundation to manage the friendships i have from all walks of life. I am grateful that I have people who know who I am in the deepest recesses of my heart. I am grateful that the right people come into my life when I need them. I realize that friendship and support is necessary to make it through the tough times & it's the icing on the cake the rest of the time.

Go eat some cake with your best friends.

It's been awhile

We have been home about a month now together, and things are mostly good.

The trip to Norway was super. It was so nice to have mild weather & see family and friends.  We all had a blast. The weather was good, and there's so much for kids to do in Norway. There was a secret underworld for children that was hidden until we had one of our own.

Coming home, back to normal, was a transition for all of us.  Sofie has acquired some naughty habits (from Norway & school & vacation parenting?) in the last couple months. We are trying to get her to behave better.  The whining & tantrums, when they happen, are epic.  She is stubborn enough to cry for 3 hours in a row at night because she isn't getting what she wants.  But we adore her, and the rest of the time she is so fun.

Her language skills continue to develop and she says the most remarkable things. I am trying to think of an example but am drawing a blank. There are just some times when she talks, she uses huge words in the right context (or not the simple English version - like the difference between to see and to spot. 

My massage/ayervedic  therapist thinks it is all the gunk working its way out. I have been on a rigorous workout/lifestyle adjustment since February and as things get cleaned out, she thinks my lungs will clear out too.

I had my first 2 hour fascia massage on Friday, and it was a booger. I have never hurt so bad in so many places in my life.  However, afterwards, I saw stuff clearing out of me, and I feel at peace. I will keep doing them.

Yesterday, I tweaked my good knee (felt like rubber band snapped on the outside of my knee) while working out. It is swollen and hurts when I stand/walk for long periods of time. I am hoping it is a little sprain. I would hate to be derailed from the fitness plan. I am down like 20 pounds since February, and I need to keep them off plus more. Crossing fingers.

We are looking forward to fireworks on the 4th. Also a family friend is coming to stay with us for almost a month in July, and last Sofie and I will head to the windy city to see family at the end of the month. I love having things to look forward to all summer.

Also, the gym has been a source of joy for me.  The people there are really friendly and social, and it has been really fun to engage. Once I left university, it felt hard to find and make new friends with all the job/location changes, and I have met a fun group of people I get to see almost every day and I really enjoy it.  And working out is pretty challenging too. I feel like I DO something every day.  If you are in Houston and want to hear more, please let me know.

Oh, and they think I am like 29 which is super fun too.

Anyway, have a great one!

Norge Ho!

We have been on a family vacation and it has been lovely for a change in scenery.  I love being able to interact with Sofie throughout the day.  I have gotten to see her playing with other children as well which has been lovely to interact since the hubby handles most of the day to day stuff with her.

She approaches new people with confidence and hopes to be their best friend immediately.  She has become especially attached to a 7 year old who lives across the street from where we are staying, and they became best friends immediately.  The girl across the street gave Sofie a bicycle to ride on (in addition to the scooter & the swings that were immediately available to the duo).  It is a blessing when 2 people come together at any age and have an instant connection,

It has been a pleasure to see Sofie interact with family and cousins, and she belongs with them.

We have also gotten to play with the children of some of our favorite family friends, and it is wonderful to see the children together.  I wish we could be closer year round so the kids could interact and have an actual relationship too.

The weather has been surprisingly good considering where we are... The first year I lived here officially, it rained 365 days in a row.  It is warm and sunny at present.  I am lucky enough to have visited one of my good girl friends who I had lost touch with in recent years.  It is like not a day has passed.

I am so grateful that there are these magical people in life who can be your friend at every stage in life.  Despite not talking every day, we still have an energy together and can appreciate the highs and lows together.  I love it.

Part of me wants to move here, despite the weather & food situation.  I love that children still play in the streets.  I love the sense of family all around.  I do struggle with the language a bit, but I think this would improve in time.  I have been thinking about what type of role I would want to do in order to be the best me. The hubby has been ecstatic since we got here, the happiest I have seen him in a long time, and I would love for him to feel that joy every day.  It would be such a relief to have everyone be happy.

These options are spinning around in my head, and I never know what to choose.  Hopefully the right answers will come to me soon.