Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Back to the grindstone

Well, Monday was my official day back to work.  It was tough.  Yesterday was worse.  There are a lot of new policies, and as I read them I got depressed.  I don't like what I am seeing, and it makes me crazy that there is nothing that I can do to affect it.  My philosophy is so fundamentally different, I feel like I am living a lie.

How can I teach Sofie the right values, when I struggle to assimilate all the demands placed on me on a given day?  How do I teach her to make the right decisions when there is no right decision?  How do I navigate through the snake pit and have my sanity at the end?

While I was sick, I spent a lot of time thinking about the types of jobs that have been created over the last 200 years.  There have been some amazing advances, but there are also jobs that are a bunch of busy work that really don't serve a higher purpose besides having a guy get a bigger bonus at the end of the year for making/saving money. 

Where I fit into this global network is really unclear to me.  I want to make a difference. I want to do something meaningful.  I want to help mankind.  I want to feel useful.  I am failing at the moment.  I don't want to be depressed. I don't want to cry at night.  I don't want to come home and want to get drunk every day. That isn't living.

I need to figure out that balance.  I need to incorporate it with our lifestyle and finances. I need to ensure we have the resources we need for our children.  It is hard.  The path is invisible to me.  I will keep looking.

Thursday, February 7, 2013

Happy Chinese New Year (Welcome to the year of the Black Snake))

First off, Happy New Year!  We will most likely be celebrating with our Asian community this weekend.  Otherwise, we might have to hit up China town for amazing culinary goodness.

You can check out your Chinese horoscope for the year here:

My predominant signs are water and metal.  It could be an interesting year.

Things are going better, and I am slated to go back to work next week.  I hope this is the last time that I have to be released for work in a long while!  I am still exercising this week, and although I do get out of breath pretty quickly & my muscles are sore (yay! sore muscles!), I am so glad I am doing it.  It makes me feel really good.

Yesterday, the hubby took Sofie to the Shriners for her annual checkup (can you believe it has been a year since she had the surgery?!).  She is doing wonderful.  She knocked the socks off the speech pathologist who saw her about 6 months ago.  Sofie has learned so many sounds and her vocabulary is out of this world.  The speech path couldn't believe it.  She was amazed.  I am so happy that Sofie isn't going to have to struggle with a speech impediment for her entire life.  It was something that was in the back of my mind as a risk, and it is a great relief to know that she is good.  They won't take a look at her for another year, and by then (right before Sofie turns 5), I expect she is going to be really, really good.  I have noticed on the playground that Sofie's articulation is much better than many of the taller kids.  We still need to work on the vocabulary.  When other parents of kids turning 4 in a couple months talk about what their kids say, Sofie isn't there yet.  Don't get me wrong - she has amazing vocabulary and sometimes I have NO IDEA where she finds the words she uses properly in context (not swear words; just normal every day words that seem pretty advanced for a 3 year old).

Her height was officially 40.7" (103.3 cm).  I don't remember how tall she was when we got her.  I think this summer, the height limit on on the kiddie roller coasters were 38 in and she just made it, but I could be misremembering.  Her weight is up to 33.7 pounds (15.3 kg) - 7 pounds increase since last year (almost a third of body weight - wow).

Her soft palate is looking super-duper.  We will have to wait awhile until the next surgery (5-6 years) if everything continues along this vein.  I wish we could fix it all now for her, but having the plan is really comforting.

Sofers has been vey snuggly lately, and she loves her mommy.  I love it.  I admit it.  I am a glutton for all the love that kid bestows on me.  I am soaking it up while she still worships me, because I know it will not always be like this.  In the morning, I am the first person she looks for and at night, she wants me to be the last person she sees.  I feel for the hubby because he loves her just as much or more than I do, and she hasn't been as snuggly with him.  But, I love it.  She comes home from school and wants to sit next to me & watch a movie or play.  She tells me I am her best friend.  I feel her love shining like a beacon, and it makes a happy thought in my life.  I wonder if this is how my mom felt about me when I was 3.  I wonder if this is how she feels about me today.  I wonder how I am going to let go?

At the moment, Sofie's favorite movie is "Monsters Inc" and she is wearing pigtails daily to look like "Boo".  When I imagined having a kid all those years ago, I wanted her to be just like Boo, and that is what I got.  Sofie is a carbon copy.  It is awesome.  And she has the same infectious laugh that makes you fall on the floor laughing too.  I love it.

Anyway, I thought I would send an update to all.  I hope your lives are doing great & that you have  joy, laughter & happiness every day.  Lots of love.