Sunday, July 28, 2013

Grey clouds

I am sitting down for a moment and thinking of kindness.

Sometimes I find it really hard in my heart to show it to everyone. When I am harboring some anger and resentment, I don't know what to do with the rage. It boils inside of me and I want to hit things.  What do I do?

I am sitting here breathing and hoping everything will be ok. Despite the lack of kindness some people display, I have to hope that if I keep doing the same thing, they will eventually grow up.  They will see the amazing people they have in their lives who have lifted and supported them during tough times.  Maybe they will never be able to extend the thankfulness and graciousness that I wish they would find.

All I can do is my best.  And visualize light. And be light in my heart and thankful for the goodness in my life.  I guess that is the answer to kindness.  And if I kill them with kindness, then so be it.

Monday, July 15, 2013

Tea Party Time

I completed a weekend full of fellowship, and it was so good.

When I was caught up in work and 'life' in the past, the first thing that went away was meeting up with friends. It was too easy. That transition between university and being a 'grown-up' broke the convenience of my friends living no more than 3 blocks away.  I moved to a new city.  

It suddenly became 'work' to have to drive that extra 30 minutes to see someone for an hour.

That first year, I made the effort. Through networking, a group of young single ladies came together and we did try to keep that university meet-up kind of thing going on... But then I started traveling and life got complicated. I met someone and moved to Norway and had to start over again.  This was the time before Internet, and it was just different.

When I returned back to the US, everyone I knew was gone from inside the city. The closest friends had moved an hour away & had kids, which made meeting up that much harder.  New friends were harder to find because I was working all the time, and my positions were not always enjoyable (which did not attract happy people to me).  Then, came another move. And then another.  It was hard to remember what having close friendship in my life felt like.

Flash forward to 17 years later, and I am experiencing a renaissance. I am meeting people in my community and it is easy to meet up because we live 5 minutes away. We have similar interests and we see each other 4-5 days a week.  When people come to town, I am making an effort to see them. They helped shape me, and we are connected.  

I make regular appointments with people who are a priority for me, and I show up even though it is work to get there because I have realized life is so much better with them in it.

For the special friends who don't live close, I make the effort to be connected.  It is worth it.

Our adoption process felt like we took everyone on the journey with us (at least my friends), and as we live and grow together, we are each connected through the experience.

It is really nice that I have built the foundation to manage the friendships i have from all walks of life. I am grateful that I have people who know who I am in the deepest recesses of my heart. I am grateful that the right people come into my life when I need them. I realize that friendship and support is necessary to make it through the tough times & it's the icing on the cake the rest of the time.

Go eat some cake with your best friends.