tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-62560818657528864402024-02-06T20:39:27.261-06:00The Incredible JourneyAn adventure of adoption, parenthood and temporary insanityJunebughttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13132807620707289161noreply@blogger.comBlogger137125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6256081865752886440.post-88280951750132823982020-01-12T16:51:00.002-06:002020-01-12T16:51:54.933-06:00Still working on itI am still on the nutritarian diet and I have lost 9 pounds so far. I’m not really craving junk like I was though I am eating more starch than recommended on the 6-week plan. The starch helps me feel satiated.<br />
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I did my next 14 mile ride today and it was much better with a fixed up bike. They pretty much changed out all the hardware except the frame, handlebars and saddle. I was able to get up as fast as 14 mph during some straight stretches but the hills are killing me. If I could lost that 100 pounds quick I think it would be much easier to be speedy.<br />
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I also officially committed to the MS 150 by signing up. The people I am riding with are doing 100 miles the first day. 100 miles. I am having a hard time seeing that I would be able to ride so far in a single day especially considering I ride an average of 10 mph and there would be breaks along the way. It sounds like a 12 hour ride if I make it at all. I am doubting my abilities here but I am willing to keep training and see how it goes.Junebughttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13132807620707289161noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6256081865752886440.post-29198466167693529742020-01-04T12:01:00.000-06:002020-01-04T12:01:01.845-06:00New Year New ChallengesI have been overweight a majority of my adult life, and I made a resolution to change that this year.<br />
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I started a nutritarian lifestyle on January 1st which means I am eating unlimited fruits and vegetables, 1 oz of nuts or seeds, and 1 serving of starch per day. (See Joe.l F.urhman “Eat to Live” for more info),<br />
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This is a huge change. Why am I doing it you ask? I have high blood pressure and am prediabetic. I suffer from inflammation in my joints and lungs. I want to make a smaller carbon footprint on the planet. I want to live as long as I can. With the SAD (standard American diet), I can’t solve any of these problems.<br />
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So I embarked on this new journey and went shopping on Dec 31. I have been eating all the stuff I should be eating. My knee pain is significantly less. I am down 6 pounds. I committed to doing it 6 weeks and we will see what has changed by then.<br />
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Today, I also officially started training for the MS150, a 150 mile bike ride over 2 days to support multiple sclerosis. I did my first 14 mile run on my old hybrid bike (which needs a tuneup). I am so out of shape. I thought I would die but I finished it. I have until May to get it together.<br />
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I’ll try to check in more often.Junebughttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13132807620707289161noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6256081865752886440.post-74891748635310316522019-10-31T19:43:00.001-05:002019-10-31T19:43:13.790-05:00Attachment disorderAttachment disorder is no joke. We have been struggling for the last couple years. It is brutal not being attached to your kid. She is always trying to prove why we shouldn’t love her and goes to extremes to make sure she proves she isn’t worth the love. Violence. Hateful words. Destruction of property. Bruises, scrapes, scratches, bites. It is happening regularly and I don’t know what to do. Therapists are worthless. Medication does nothing. Love doesn’t solve anything. I end up triggered and can’t control myself from trying to protect my being in the midst of it. Meanwhile life goes on and I am dealing with loss of friendships (they are moving away), a bad work life, and constant injuries. I am at the end of a rope in a deep well and I don’t know what is going to help anymore. I am exhausted and stressed and waiting for the next shoe to drop. I feel pretty alone despite having my own therapist and psychiatrist. I don’t know if I have the capacity to love anymore.Junebughttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13132807620707289161noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6256081865752886440.post-49727852055157026542017-12-02T17:20:00.002-06:002017-12-02T17:20:25.549-06:00Injuries and Walking the lineAny exercise plan is risky for me with my multiple time blown out knees, broken ankles (both), twisted ankles, dislocated ankles, lower back issues, neck issues, shoulder issues, tendinitis, and COPD. <br />
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At the beginning of 2016, I had gotten a membership at a gym near work, and I would work out at lunch time that year. Then I broke my ankle and paused it.<br />
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After I finished up PT, I tried to resume but by then, I had a new manager, and he really liked lunch meetings or 1:00 meetings. Then, we added team members in India, and suddenly my schedule wasn't working. I tried getting to the gym by 5:30 in the morning and working out, but getting up at 4:45 to be out the door by 5:00 to get to the gym by 5:30 didn't work. We also had a lot of behavioral issues at home because Sofie really needed to see me before school to feel secure. I tried working out after work, and I started getting home at 7 pm which was way too late, and (again) I would end up missing out on my Sofie time. I gave up in July.<br />
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After that I tried walking (and Houston in the summer is BRUTAL). I had been trying to walk 10k steps per day, and I wasn't getting the satisfaction from it that I expected. Also, it was REALLY hard to get home before dark after daylight savings, and I can't walk alone in the dark in my neighborhood. If we had a dog I could, but the hubby is so anti dog. <br />
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I started body building again a few weeks ago when I got a clear message from the universe. I was feeling down and like my life and health were out of control, and it was a way for me to feel strong and like I achieved something during the week.<br />
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I looked up my old trainer from my crossfit days, and I found out she is coaching at a gym that is location friendly. She was willing to work a deal with me so I could afford to workout 3 times a week in group training sessions, and I was elated.<br />
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The first visit was so exciting, I was high for days. I had forgotten the rush of lifting. I didn't sleep that first night. Of course I was being a bit cautious, but I discovered I hadn't lost that much strength since summer and I was still strong. I did a back/chest day and it was amazing. Then I did a leg/core day, and I was so strong & stable. The next week, the program changed (we are doing 3 week program progressions), and we do chest/shoulders, arms/back, legs/core and it was fine. I get 'medical' massages every couple of weeks and she broke up the fascia just fine. Then this week, everything started to get out of whack. I used to struggle with my hips and keeping my sacrum aligned, and I had a little flair. Then my feet started to really hurt. I did a lot of ankle stretching to try to loosen things up. Then, on Thursday, I had been sitting at my desk too long, I guess, and when I tried to walk to the car to head home, I had major knee instability. I haven't had knee problems in years (*knock on wood*). Also my lower back/hips felt super tight.<br />
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I came home and I lay on a foam roller for a few minutes. I did butt stretches and runner stretches and hip realignment exercises. I did lower back exercises. I stretched my calf someone. I stretched the hamstrings and the quads, and I still felt scared trying to walk down the stairs when I got home. I ended up going to my evening workout session, and it worked out the back stuff but my knee was still a wildcard.<br />
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This morning was leg day, and I wasn't sure I wanted to go. I almost chickened out. I went anyway and did a bunch of clamshells to warm up since a lot of the muscle stability in your knee is related to your hips and ankles. I mentioned to the trainer I was having issues, and we worked out a new program for the day. By the end, my knee felt better than it did before we started for sure. After 8 hours, I have stiffened up again on my knee, and I am starting to feel my hammies and quads a bit too much.<br />
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I want to be strong and fit, but challenging myself or doing too much cardio tends to lead to injuries. I will continue to walk the line with this, but it is hard. and scary. and I don't want to be hurt anymore. and I want to lose at least 100 pounds but my metabolism is pretty much dead. Sometimes it feels pretty hopeless. People see me and they think I am slovenly and lazy because I am so overweight. I wish it could have been different. I will keep trying to conquer this.Junebughttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13132807620707289161noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6256081865752886440.post-45778890694376553902017-11-27T20:33:00.000-06:002017-11-27T20:33:13.941-06:00Long time - busy mommy - taking a deep breathIt has been such a long time since I did any blogging. Life just rushed by. Our personal computer died, and we didn't really feel the need to get a new one for a long time. Now we have invested in a little refurbished chromebook that I thought would become my writing computer. I am going to try to write more often.<br />
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There has been a lot of growing on in the last few years. We have struggled with attachment and a "mild" case of reactive attachment disorder. I have broken both of my ankles and had major health issues. Work has been tough in a very deflated market with round after round of layoffs of friends and coworkers. We survived a tough time in our marriage.<br />
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Where I am today - I am still working full time as an IT project manager. My project isn't as busy as it was, and it hasn't been providing the satisfaction it once did. I might be up for a promotion or lateral move one of these days. I have worked hard to limit my working time to less than 50 hours a week. My natural tendency is to work 10-11 hour days. I learned to stop checking work emails incessantly at home. I am working closer to 45 hours a week which is way better.<br />
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Our daughter is very busy with extracurricular activities like a.mer.ican ni.nja warr.io.r training and hiphop. She is also a skateboarder and loves to run around and play. My husband has transitioned to the role of dad finally. I accepted that my husband is the nurturer and the traditional 'housewife' role. It was super hard.<br />
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Looking back, I realized that we were all struggling with a lot of acceptance. Being a mother was awesome and wonderful, but I didn't know how to adjust & accept that as a working mother I couldn't do it all. My husband had to learn that he was a great dad and that his heard had infinite capacity to love. Sofie had to learn to accept us, learn to trust us, learn that we weren't going to give her away even if she acted like a maniac. We were all desperately trying to cope and love and give, and none of us felt like we were really doing it well I think.<br />
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These days, I still don't think I would win any mom of the year awards - i am a b.a.d mo.m kind of mom - but I do my best to be engaged. I know that my daughter needs to see me both in the morning and at night to have a good day (5 am workouts at the gym won't work). I know that I need to spend a little bit of time with the hubby each day for a check in and cuddle. I know that I need to have quiet time where I am allowed to check out. I need to read great fiction. I also remembered in the last 2 weeks that I LOVE weight training, and I need to do that a few times a week to feel the endorphin rush & to feel strong & to feel like I did something that day. So much of my life is spent shepherding around different people who may or may not do what I need them to do. I don't get to contribute as an individual contributor on many things, and if nothing gets done, I found myself feeling like a failure for the day. I also know that I need to get massages every couple of weeks so I don't get hurt. And I know I should avoid stepping in holes or wearing high heels. On weekends, I get to hang out a lot more with the family and do family activities. I feel like I should spend a lot more time planning structured things to do with Sofie, but I try to keep my eye out for opportunities to do things we can do together (like painting or baking or decorating).<br />
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Last week I had an amazing pre-Thanksgiving girls day planned, where we went to a painting & wine (without the wine) for a family paint-a-unicorn day. Then we were supposed to go out for lunch, maybe go rock climbing, and make Thanksgiving pies. Well, when we got to the painting place she was excited, but I forgot about her perfectionist tendencies and she managed to get all worked up about a line not being perfectly straight and had a little mini tantrum with the other families who were trying to paint. She demanded we leave, and she was really annoyed that I wouldn't go. At the end of it, she finally sucked it up and finished a painting (as did I), but she was still pissed that mine looked better than hers. I was FRAZZLED. Then we went to go get lunch, and I went to a hot dog place and she didn't like it. By that time, I was pulling my hair out. I decided rock climbing was out, and we went to the store to pick up borax for some slime recipe that was sure to work (since her last 3 attempts without were a failure). We made the slime and she was finally happy. I really imagined an easy day, and it was anything but easy. Hubby was annoyed that I bought glitter to put in the slime because it gets EVERYWHERE, but I figured a little glitter was going to make the day better. <br />
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I guess being a mom is accepting where we all are and trying to make the best of it anyway. Knowing that there is no such thing as a perfect mommy daughter day is a hard pill to swallow. I know I don't remember all the trials that I put my mom through. I guess it could have been just as hard for her as it is for me.<br />
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It is so hard not being perfect. And it is hard not being able to control situations. Accepting that the only thing I can control is my reaction to events is a constant challenge.<br />
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So, here is my first post in a few years. Hello. Comment if you want. I don't know if anyone is even reading any more. I hope you are having a good one.<br />
<br />Junebughttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13132807620707289161noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6256081865752886440.post-68555042671848939602015-07-13T16:44:00.001-05:002015-07-13T16:44:20.612-05:00GuttedI thought I was over the fertility issues. BAM!<br />
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I have had weird bleeding for awhile. Analysis found a big cyst in my ovary. 2 months later and it is bigger.<br />
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I am scheduled for surgery and they are taking out the 'bad' ovary and both Fallopian tubes to stop the problem.<br />
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I am in pre-op and it hits like a rock. I will never get lucky and get pregnant. I will never have a child with my DNA. Damn. No more pregnancy tests. No more hoping in the back of my mind.<br />
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It feels bleak without hope.Junebughttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13132807620707289161noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6256081865752886440.post-60846573149802452015-04-22T12:27:00.000-05:002015-04-22T12:27:05.438-05:00Keeping it all togetherMy moods tend to oscillate between joy and despair, and I haven't been feeling like what I have to say will really affect the world in any specific way. Sometimes I wonder why I even bother blogging since I haven't really found a compelling voice that keeps people coming back.<br />
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I am struggling to find balance. I know I should eat healthy. I know I should exercise regularly. I know I should be consistent. I know I should be a role model to my daughter and "not let myself go". I know I should play with her and do her hair and be there for her. I know I should put my heart into my work. I know I should change my priorities at work and be the corporate automaton. My focus should always reflect on the company's profitability. Not people. Not teams. Continuous improvement in the context of profitability. I should have dates with my husband, get my hair and nails done, plan amazing birthday parties, coordinate family trips back home to both countries. I should meditate every day and feel my life's purpose & feel like I am fulfilling my purpose. I should have direction and work towards it. I should be polite to everyone. I should be more flexible. I should be more rigid. I should follow the rules. I should break them. I should have been boundaries and have my shields up. I should catch up on the news, and the new movies, and the TV shows everyone is watching. I should read more - especially non-fiction. I should be able to talk about the literary meaning of everything. I should do my best every day. I should worry more. I should worry less. I should question things more. I should make judgement about what things mean to the world. I should find my voice and use it. I should tell my family about how alcoholism in the family affects me. I should tell my family how I don't want to be around alcoholism openly. I should talk to my family how domestic violence is not the answer. I should not be judged and "hated on" when I try to express these views. I should get some respect. I should be happy and grateful for what I have. I should thank god every day for everything. I should be a good friend, wife, mother, daughter, sister, child, colleague, leader, manager, coach, and global citizen. I should have more energy. I should sleep more. I should help out around the house more. I should do the gardening in the yard. I should sit outside and drink wine and watch life go by. I should listen to the voices in my head and tell the obnoxious ones to ef-off. I should prioritize music in my life and dance.<br />
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Today is actually a good day. I didn't work out, but I am eating healthy. I am being a coach, a mother, a mentor, an executor, and a troubleshooter. I did my daughter's hair for crazy day and made her breakfast. I am planning my work around surgery my husband is having next week & preparing to be super mommy/super wife.<br />
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<br />Junebughttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13132807620707289161noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6256081865752886440.post-10161681933297660672015-04-06T18:48:00.001-05:002015-04-06T18:48:02.438-05:00Sick Kid - #microblogmondaysIt's Monday and my baby woke up hysterically crying, coughing and not interested in eating her daily oatmeal. It was definitely not a normal morning but she didn't have a fever so we sent her to school.<div><br></div><div>At 1:30 the school called and said she just wasn't feeling well, didn't have a fever and could we come pick her up. I was ready to drop everything and rush home but my hubby called back within 5 minutes and told me he had it.</div><div><br></div><div>I get home at 6 and she is still coughing and has a 100.3 degree fever. My poor baby. She never gets sick. Ever. Even when she had the flu before Christmas she bounces around like a maniac and fools the best of doctors.</div><div><br></div><div>She is lying listlessly on the couch. I am trying to snuggle and decontaminate at the same time. Oof.</div><div><br></div><div>Feel better, Little Bit.</div>Junebughttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13132807620707289161noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6256081865752886440.post-90754360543593052422015-03-30T12:48:00.000-05:002015-03-30T16:39:49.617-05:00Scrum baby - #MicroblogmondaysI took the most awesome course last week which was both a life changer for work but also has the potential to be a life changer in my personal life. It is called the Certified Scrum Master course (yes - scrum like rugby) and it is an applied methodology for living an agile life (ok - really it is applied to software development frameworks but seriously, it has the potential to apply to pretty much any situation). <div><br></div><div>It is the anti-waterfall methodology for life. Instead of mapping out the details of everything you want to do at the beginning of any project, you set the high level vision of where you want to be. Then, during each sprint (1-4 week period), you prioritize your goals for the sprint, make sure each team member has to be successful and start the clock. The goal is to achieve fully working outputs in small bits, check with your stakeholders along the way, and deliver exactly what is needed. We tend to get stuck in the weeds very early in the project and spend way too much time on stuff that just doesn't matter & that we don't really need.</div><div><br></div><div>How much baggage do you have in your life (and job) that you do because you have always done it that way? What if you could cut that stuff out and focus on the real value?! It is so empowering.</div><div><br></div><div>At work, my job is the 'scrum master' which means I will be getting stuff out of people's way so they can be as successful as possible. I love it. I was born to solve problems. Woot woot.</div><div><br></div><div>At home, I will likely be alternating between the product owner and scrum master. And sometimes the team member. We could decompose tasks for the house into the product backlog and see if we work more efficiently this way. Maybe big tasks won't be so daunting. You know. So I never start. </div><div><br></div><div>Check it out! Http:://Scrumalliance.org</div><div><br></div><div>If you could be agile in your life, what would you do differently?<br>
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<em style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19.99px; padding: 0px;">Not sure what #MicroblogMondays is?<a href="http://www.stirrup-queens.com/2014/09/what-is-microblog-mondays/" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #cc0000; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none;">Read the inaugural post</a> which explains the idea and how you can participate too</em><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19.99px;">.</span></div>Junebughttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13132807620707289161noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6256081865752886440.post-70954614373034384992015-03-23T12:46:00.001-05:002015-03-23T12:46:14.011-05:00... and today's hat is ... #MicroBlogMondaysI was on stay-cation for the last week, and this morning I returned back to work. Everything is different when I am working. I get up at 4:50 in the morning so I have time to work out and meditate. I rouse the family from their beds & let the cats in from their adventures. I have to shower, find work appropriate clothes, apply makeup, style my hair. I have to get lunches ready and put breakfast is on the table. I commute at least 25 minutes (unless there is a 3 lane pileup on the way, and then it takes an hour). Just to be in the office by 8:00 feels like such a production, and then I turn on the computer and have the hundreds of messages waiting for me to take action. And I have to remember who I was before I took that vacation. I am still struggling, and it is noon. Crazy!<br />
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I really loved wearing the mommy hat last week. Sofie learned to balance and ride her bike. We went to the top of the world (the Spindletop Hyatt) and explored art galore. We ate gelato and skateboarded. We rode amusement park rides, baked cookies, went to a coffee shop for hot cocoa and friendship, woke up late, and watched cartoons in the morning. We had a picnic and a sleepover. I love these happy days. <br />
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The transitions between my hats are hard.<br />
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<em style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19.9999809265137px; padding: 0px;">Not sure what #MicroblogMondays is?<a href="http://www.stirrup-queens.com/2014/09/what-is-microblog-mondays/" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #cc0000; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none;">Read the inaugural post</a> which explains the idea and how you can participate too</em><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19.9999809265137px;">.</span>Junebughttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13132807620707289161noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6256081865752886440.post-77888484211237036522015-03-16T17:14:00.000-05:002015-03-16T17:16:24.026-05:00Spring break - #MicroBlogMondays<div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJV6jiLdZU1sUlOLXhEoxEqusZZ9PmMhzo_ONpNVTDlBOuBUtlOtumfxAWdL26cMJFg6573oPoFrH3d4GhFZeXnYkgIE_TExuPOlecFXOaivbbDBhX6Ms8-M_cj_O1oSNqWOcgayMs1Oc/s640/blogger-image-179180502.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJV6jiLdZU1sUlOLXhEoxEqusZZ9PmMhzo_ONpNVTDlBOuBUtlOtumfxAWdL26cMJFg6573oPoFrH3d4GhFZeXnYkgIE_TExuPOlecFXOaivbbDBhX6Ms8-M_cj_O1oSNqWOcgayMs1Oc/s640/blogger-image-179180502.jpg"></a></div>Hello All Y'all! It's spring break!<br>
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I love the murals that are being put in the Heights and around the town. It's not all concrete jungle.<div><br>
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After my deep connection with the universe occurred last week through meditation, a nasty virus took hold of me and I have been grounded ever since. I am back to work on day 6 of the plague (feeling a lot better) and trying to function today. I was drawing a blank for my post, until I remembered the super-amazing-awesome toy that my husband found for Sofie this weekend.<br />
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It is called the "<a href="http://www.target.com/p/flutterbye-flying-flower-fairy-pink/-/A-14508469?ref=tgt_adv_XSG10001&AFID=google_pla_df&LNM=14508469&CPNG=Toys&kpid=14508469&LID=34pgs&ci_src=17588969&ci_sku=14508469&kpid=14508469&gclid=Cj0KEQjwifWnBRCB5PT57KSVw-kBEiQASV7aRCu4J37CFm6P-LL5Q9dRZAm3hIfvpgzVfvU-kY3nugUaApmA8P8HAQ">Flutterbye Flying Flower Fairy</a>" (say that 10 times fast) and it is a remote control helicopter for 5 and 6-year-old girls (and 40-something year old women). The hardest part of using it (unless you get a defective one - the first one we bought had an issue; we exchanged it) is waiting the 25 minutes for it to charge up. Oh, and the Fairy does fly like a kamikaze pilot but so does my Sofie. <br />
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Playing with the fairy is like having a bag of pixie dust for a friend. Cosmic. Why did we not have these in the 80's???<br />
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<em style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19.9999809265137px; padding: 0px;">Not sure what #MicroblogMondays is?<a href="http://www.stirrup-queens.com/2014/09/what-is-microblog-mondays/" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #cc0000; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none;">Read the inaugural post</a> which explains the idea and how you can participate too</em><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19.9999809265137px;">.</span></div>
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I have always been a very spiritual person. I occasionally feel like I've lost that connection with the universe and the world around me. It tends to happen gradually. I will have some change take place in my life (kindergarten starting, Mandarin lessons, house cleaning,... whatever) and I will accommodate that change with time. I'll get tired. I'll get restless. I'll stop focusing on me and start focusing on all the crap I have to do. And all the negative feedback that comes my way starts to circle around in my head. Months go by. Suddenly, I am exhausted, stressed, anxious and out of touch with my awesomeness.<br />
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Last week, after my 30 minute cycling workout (really pathetic, but I am suffering from tendinitis in my elbow at the moment), God spoke to me and said, "[Junebug], take a moment and meditate." Eureka!<br />
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I have meditated by myself in the past, I have tried binaural beats, I have done yoga/breathing, and somehow Deepak Chopra soothes me at a different level. <br />
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I started my "Perfect Health" guided meditation and I felt SO MUCH BETTER after I was done. I was so focused at work. I was able to function after I got home. I had an amazing day. I kept doing it every day last week, and it helped a little bit each day. I met all my goals for the week plus some. Today's meditation was all about loving myself the way I am, and I got stuck on Sirius XM Love by chance on the way to work. Weird, right? I never listen to that channel. It is too goopy for me, but it was spot on for the day.<br />
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Now I am taking steps to make sure that I am feeding my soul with meditation, and I commit to not falling out of the practice.<br />
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NOTE: I have purchased a few guided meditations from Deepak Chopra and Oprah Winfrey. In case you are interested, there is a <b>freebie </b>21 day mediation starting on March 16th called "Manifesting True Success". Do it! I find them to be life changers. Did I mention it is only 15 minutes?<br />
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<a href="https://chopracentermeditation.com/">https://chopracentermeditation.com/</a> </div>
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<div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19.9999809265137px; margin-bottom: 1.53846em; padding: 0px;">
<em style="padding: 0px;">Not sure what #MicroblogMondays is?<a href="http://www.stirrup-queens.com/2014/09/what-is-microblog-mondays/" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #cc0000; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none;">Read the inaugural post</a> which explains the idea and how you can participate too</em>.</div>
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I always think that there is going to be more time: </div>
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<ul style="border-image: none;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/proxy/AVvXsEhijxi6aozqMh87ixlqILtbKu5GlcBv96s8U91R-TYur1wWEPIfrdW3xdJEPhi1vLiI-GHmdZxTdeuQ1EzOMwi8FJUPQDc6_TFtO5T2iW1zbguEfy9AQyfBZkma1UrgUrlDtJ6_LS52H2TTrMpWUYg2ta3lKDghcyPfeiXHHB9dMMacPR3UTXuvjo8gBAi5=" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://www.stirrup-queens.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/09/Microblog_Mondays.png" /></a>
<li>Time to catch up,</li>
<li>Time to spend with my family, </li>
<li>Time to work, </li>
<li>Time to spend with friends,</li>
<li>Time to work out,</li>
<li>Time to sleep,</li>
<li>Time to read,</li>
<li>Time to visit,</li>
<li>Time to meditate,</li>
<li>Time to dance,</li>
<li>Time to see the world,</li>
<li>Time to build a house</li>
<li>Time to plan my life...</li>
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The time never seems to come to me, and I am always chasing it a few miles behind. I am struggling to pick the priorities. I want to help change the world. I want to make a difference. I want my time to count.
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/proxy/AVvXsEhijxi6aozqMh87ixlqILtbKu5GlcBv96s8U91R-TYur1wWEPIfrdW3xdJEPhi1vLiI-GHmdZxTdeuQ1EzOMwi8FJUPQDc6_TFtO5T2iW1zbguEfy9AQyfBZkma1UrgUrlDtJ6_LS52H2TTrMpWUYg2ta3lKDghcyPfeiXHHB9dMMacPR3UTXuvjo8gBAi5=" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://www.stirrup-queens.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/09/Microblog_Mondays.png" /></a>Since I discovered a weight room, I love to work out. In college, I would wake up "early" at 6 am and run to the gym every day. Although the music tended to cater to 18-year-old-nerd-metal, I loved to hop on the bike, stairmaster or treadmill for 30 minutes. Then, I would head to the free weights and go to town for another 30 minutes. After college, I discovered high-tech machines and worked out like a fiend after work every day for 2-3 hours. It put me in the best shape of my life. Then, I moved to Norway and fell in love. My boyfriend (now hubby) wasn't into the gym but preferred outdoor activities. I went on amazing hikes, road my bike to/from work, climbed up mountains... But, I did get lazy. We moved back to the US a few years later, and I went on a few more fitness quests at the local gyms. When we lived in Denver, I would ride my bike up and down mountains for 40-50 miles a day. Most recently, I was a cross fit addict and grew an amazing addiction to wielding iron like a bad ass. Think Wonder Woman meets Shee-ra. <br />
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I have had periods of injury over the years - back problems, blown out knees, neck problems, broken ankles, twisted ankles, shoulder issues... I am recovering from the broken ankle now, and I am trying to find that balance with being a mom, working a full time job, and working out on a regular basis.<br />
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I have been a YMCA member for the last year, but when I go, I really do not like their equipment. The machines feel cumbersome, and there isn't a lot of space for using barbells/dumb bells. The boys hang out in front of the mirrors, building the empire of weights around them. When I am in the free weight section, I feel like a peacock in a sea of pigeons. I joined so I could also go swimming, but there are really weird men who hang out in the pools there. They leer & watch you swim, or they are aggressive and yell at you for getting in their lane. I find myself not going to the Y. Also, I have to drive there, which means either I have to go before work (and get ready there) & miss seeing my Sofie in the morning, or I can go after work, fight with the other after work people & not see Sofie at night. <br />
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Why not go back to the cross fit place, you ask? The workouts catered to men (although 70% of the clientele was female), and the women gained manly physiques. They were ridiculously expensive. When you pay for a personal trainer & they pay attention & correct your form. When you pay ~75% of the same fee for cross fit, and your trainer's attention is split between 60 people, you get hurt. Also, they only do workouts at certain times of day, and I would have to plan my day around the workout. In the past, I woke up & left before seeing Sofie in the morning, and I wouldn't get home until 7 pm at night every day. I just couldn't find the balance there.<br />
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So for the new year, with the goal of getting in shape & recovering from this ankle thing, I bought myself a Total Gym. Yes, the one with Chuck Norris and Christie Brinkley. AND I LOVE IT. It fits in my spare bedroom with the stationary bike and foam roller. It came with specific exercises for women for a total body workout over 6 days. I ride my stationary bike every day, and then I go to town with the weight lifting. No, it isn't traditional iron, but in the last 2 months, I have worked out 29 days. That is awesome! Right? Also, the exercises are safe for children! So, Sofie can do a mini-workout with me each morning, if she wakes up at 5:30 (and she does). And I am getting my muscles back.<br />
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Yes, I struggle with waking up at my original target time of 4:45 am ... but I am definitely working out by 5:20 and I usually get in about 40 minutes which is significantly more than last year. The other part of my workout equation is this app called Fitocracy. It is a totally awesome weight lifting tracking app that allows you to not only track what you do, but also gives you points and badges for doing different physical challenges. It is so fun. I love reading other peoples' workouts too. And of course, you get to 'cheer' for people in their awesomeness. This weekend, I ended up working out about 75 minutes a day, and my points were so high, I am wondering if I need to try to workout longer than 40 minutes a day. Also, I find myself craving iron and am wondering if I should setup a home gym in my garage.... It is a question for another day. But I am fitting the workouts in every day, and I am so pleased with myself that I am able to see Sofie and get it done. </div>
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<a href="http://www.stirrup-queens.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/09/Microblog_Mondays.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://www.stirrup-queens.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/09/Microblog_Mondays.png" /></a>I don't know if any of you are subscribers to Amazon Prime or not, but this month, there is a new series of books by Rysa Walker that is available for the monthly "share", and I am obsessed. <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Timebound-Chronos-Files-Book-1-ebook/dp/B00CQC9O16/ref=sr_1_4?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1423505920&sr=1-4&keywords=rysa+walker">"<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 1.255;">Timebound (The Chronos Files Book 1)"</span></a></div>
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Of course it is a trilogy, and of course, only 2 are out in print. *sigh* Another cliffhanger.<br />
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The premise of the book is that in the future, historians figure out how to travel through time and choose to visit important events to capture what "really happened." Of course, there is a dark lord who tries to take advantage of the time traveling, end the world, and he must be stopped.<br />
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In comes Kate, who has inherited the ability to travel through time with additional special powers that distinguish her from the other time travelers. She is a teenager (I am still at heart; aren't you???), and she is still obsessed with the "Princess Bride". (Rysa posted this <a href="http://www.theguardian.com/film/2015/feb/04/cary-elwes-princess-bride-interview?CMP=share_btn_fb">link </a>to a recent interview with Cary Elwes in case you are feeling nostalgic). She seems to be a cross between Buffy Summers and Jess from "the New Girl" to me. Every step she takes changes the world's future (and timeline).<br />
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If you like the idea of time travel, historical fiction, love triangles and nasty villains, it is a fun read. I might have to watch "The Princess Bride" this weekend too.<br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20.79px;">Don't know what #MicroblogMondays is? Check it out </span><a href="http://www.stirrup-queens.com/" style="color: #771000; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20.79px; text-decoration: none;">here.</a></div>
Junebughttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13132807620707289161noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6256081865752886440.post-78094724863763352692015-01-28T11:55:00.001-06:002015-02-02T12:39:25.198-06:00#MicroblogMondays - Being open to discuss adoption with our kids<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://www.stirrup-queens.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/09/Microblog_Mondays.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://www.stirrup-queens.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/09/Microblog_Mondays.png"></a>Parenting an adopted child must be pretty similar to
parenting a child from my womb, but sometimes I wonder if I make the right
choices by talking about adoption so openly.
It is very obvious that my child is Asian. Since we both have big smiles, brown hair and
round faces, I guess that some people guess that I had a previous
relationship with an Asian man when they see us together. When I
was in Jamaica, the locals intimated that I might have created Sofie on a
previous visit. Also at airports, people have asked if her father was Asian (My answer - "Well, probably, but it is hard to know").<o:p></o:p></div>
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When I meet new people in my personal & professional life and talk about our family, I do mention that Sofie is from China because I think it is
so cool that we are a Chinese-American-Norwegian family. I love being international by association. I think it is cool that she will speak English, Norwegian, Mandarin, and Spanish because of our unique positioning in the world. I feel like she is a citizen of the world, more than I could ever be - despite my travels, adventurous cooking/eating adventures ("Hello, Durian") and attempts over the years to be fluent in Spanish, Portuguese, Norwegian, and Mandarin and smattering of Arabic, Russian and French.<br>
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Also, the process of doing adoption was so challenging, I want to open the conversation to any potential people who are thinking about it - openly or in the dark. Mentioning adoption definitely has opened some interesting conversations with people who are ashamed to talk about infertility openly - you know, the talk about the fear of never having a child, the frustration with all the medical procedures & hormones, spouses being uncomfortable with adoption, bonding with the child, the difficulty of national and international adoption, costs, family reaction, surrogacy, etc.<br>
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We have also been very open with Sofie about her being from China. She openly identifies with other people who "look like her" and seeks them out today. To try to bridge the gaps, we tell her stories about what happened in China when we met her. We also talk about the assimilation process (at a very high level since she is only 5). This spring, she and I have started taking Mandarin at the local Asian Community Center, so we have a direct link with the Chinese community and its customs. Of course we also have Asian expat friends, but I worry that we will not expose her enough to her culture and someday she will resent us for her not being 'Asian enough'. Also, I worry about her feeling 'different' with her peers because they all look like their moms and dads.<br>
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I am not sure how the open speech about it will affect Sofie
in the future. We will need to figure out how to deal with the abandonment issues as they come. Even now, we talk about how her foster family loved her so much that they wanted her to come to the US. <br>
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We used to be a melting pot in the US where race didn't matter, but now we seem to embrace the differences with their own 'flavor'. Is my active parenting enough to keep the flavor but take the edge off the bitterness? Time will tell.<br>
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What are you doing with your local or international adoption as your kids are growing up? When are they really ready to talk about their roots & work on it? Did you get counselors or was open communication and love enough? Has it come up multiple times?<br>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20.79px;">Don't know what #MicroblogMondays is? Check it out </span><a href="http://www.stirrup-queens.com/" style="color: #771000; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20.79px; text-decoration: none;">here.</a></div>
Junebughttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13132807620707289161noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6256081865752886440.post-57695581286486417252015-01-22T12:20:00.001-06:002015-01-26T08:11:30.369-06:00#MicroBlogMondays - How obnoxious am I???<br>
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<a href="http://www.stirrup-queens.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/09/Microblog_Mondays.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://www.stirrup-queens.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/09/Microblog_Mondays.png"></a><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20.79px;">Somehow I became </span><em style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20.79px;">THAT</em><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20.79px;"> mom. You know the one. She is always talking about how amazing her son or daughter is and forcefully shoving a picture or video of the little angel in your face. From the moment we were matched, I changed into a new person, and I assumed that EVERYONE would want to know about my joy, my happiness, my baby.</span><br>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20.79px;">Knowing how annoying <i>THAT </i>person can be, I try not to tell more than one story about her at a time, but I still marvel that she is part of my family and my world. I can't stop. </span><br>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20.79px;">People claim they like it. Do I trust them??? </span><br>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4r0YiU0pY8MSMlXm0Q7A_CDbo0Xx6IMLWTOj3zpa8bxrrS3JjM64WyvNcgtwCd6OBKA-DIG_q-efnZfKsy-ymspcb4ZOSey0q48CjZoRnA3tKIalKuy2dLP7RL2Ql97AudLpJjPCOcDg/s1600/IMG_3489.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4r0YiU0pY8MSMlXm0Q7A_CDbo0Xx6IMLWTOj3zpa8bxrrS3JjM64WyvNcgtwCd6OBKA-DIG_q-efnZfKsy-ymspcb4ZOSey0q48CjZoRnA3tKIalKuy2dLP7RL2Ql97AudLpJjPCOcDg/s1600/IMG_3489.JPG" height="200" width="136"></a><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Trebuchet MS;">Honestly, I have the most beautiful, smart, athletic, amazing daughter in the whole world. She is a natural swimmer, amazing ice skater, dancer, singer, songwriter, and performer. She learned to do cartwheels when she was 4 by herself... She pitches like a boy twice her age, swings a golf club like a professional, and has been able to swing across monkey bar rings since she was 3. How many kids are like that?</span><br>
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Trebuchet MS;">She has been asking for pixie dust ("real pixie dust, Mommy. I want to fly outside my dreams") and a tuba (10x bigger than her) for years.</span><br>
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Trebuchet MS;">She was doing addition and subtraction at the table when she was 3. We didn't start reading with her until this year (because of the learning English thing), and she has been a total whiz. She gets it.</span><br>
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Trebuchet MS;">People walk up to us off the street or at restaurants or at the mall to tell us how beautiful she is. It hasn't been a one time thing. Does everyone experience this?</span><br>
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Trebuchet MS;">She has a posse of people who follow her around at the grocery store giving her treats (they work there & are her personal friends?). I had never heard of such a thing.</span><br>
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Trebuchet MS;">She is fearless and walks up to all kinds of kids (ages 2-18) and even adults playing with kids to ask if she can play with them. I was the biggest wuss ever. I still am. </span><br>
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Trebuchet MS;">I don't know if I can stop talking about her. She is totally awesome from her sunny (mostly) personality, infinite energy (think the universe or the sun), and playful, creative nature. </span><br>
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Trebuchet MS;">I guess the world just has to accept us for who we are. And I am in love and gushing about my girl.</span><br>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20.79px;">Don't know what #MicroblogMondays is? Check it out <a href="http://www.stirrup-queens.com/" style="color: #771000; text-decoration: none;">here.</a></span></div>
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<br>Junebughttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13132807620707289161noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6256081865752886440.post-67998246457351303792015-01-12T17:55:00.001-06:002015-01-12T17:58:05.766-06:00#MicroBlogMondays - Inaugural Flight<div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMCEIRg-jG-mS1Sm9ZZ7rQCrqHpHKI8GLt8U0Bgm3nlFK1Bbc40201-fPm7All68hQ9cmQAuc7Nvv0vURxMoV2_GAXX_pDF5XLNd6wntwCMpdy5riLCq2BeV4MyJExjeBVjXTRIlONt-s/s640/blogger-image--1844680207.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMCEIRg-jG-mS1Sm9ZZ7rQCrqHpHKI8GLt8U0Bgm3nlFK1Bbc40201-fPm7All68hQ9cmQAuc7Nvv0vURxMoV2_GAXX_pDF5XLNd6wntwCMpdy5riLCq2BeV4MyJExjeBVjXTRIlONt-s/s640/blogger-image--1844680207.jpg"></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">The inaugural flight ... Headed to Grandma's house.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">I am so proud of my creation. Sofie added the propellers. Feeling awesome.</div>Junebughttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13132807620707289161noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6256081865752886440.post-35025112080428628182015-01-04T09:04:00.003-06:002015-01-05T17:49:13.835-06:00#MicroBlogMondays - Back to life, Back to Reality<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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My 2 weeks of vacation is over, and a whole new year has started. It has been a good run. My daughter has been delighted that I am home all the time, and she has attached to me like it used to be before I went back to work after adopting her. She wants to be with me all the time, wants to sit on my lap all the time, and has been the best snuggler ever. I love it. I would love for it to stay this way, but as I head into the new year with a new job, I will struggle to have the work/life balance to maintain the close bond. I don't think it is something she consciously chooses, but my husband is my rock and house-husband. He will take her to school, pick her up, do after school activities with her, and be there while I am not.<br>
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I am looking forward into getting into a normal routine again. It will be good to have a rigorous schedule filled with challenges and fun. I am working to strengthen my local network of friends, remember to take "me time", and make sure I have the resources and support available to live a balanced life.</div><div><br></div><div>Happy New Year!<br>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20.7900009155273px;">Don't know what #MicroblogMondays is? Check it out <a href="http://www.stirrup-queens.com/" style="color: #771000; text-decoration: none;">here.</a></span></div>
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Junebughttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13132807620707289161noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6256081865752886440.post-54228613327626101152014-12-29T13:00:00.002-06:002014-12-29T13:00:48.836-06:00#MicroblogMondays - Being Enough<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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We went on vacation to an all inclusive resort in Jamaica for the Christmas holiday, and the resort we stayed in offered "Kids Camp." Camp included structured activities for the kids to do every day - glass bottom boatadventure, swimming, crafts, baking/pizza making in the kitchens, tea parties, singing, dancing, games, treasure hunts, visiting with Sesame Street Characters in real life, etc etc etc. The first full day we were there, we didn't do it, but we ran into a camp counselor the second day who enticed Sofie to try it. She LOVED it. We did it during the day for 3 days in a row, dropping her off around 9:30 and picking her up around 3:30 so we could still do some swimming.<br />
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I have to say that it was the best thing ever. My husband was sick with the flu, so having her attend let him sleep. Also, doing the mom/adventure coordinator thing on vacation was a lot of work by my self. I had booked the trip to Jamaica with a vision of some alone time/beach time to recuperate from this year (see previous posts about the 3 different jobs & broken/twisted ankles). Kids Camp allowed us to have some alone time during the day, and we picked up Sofie mid-afternoon so we could swim/make sand castles/etc.<br />
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On the last full day in Jamaica, I dropped Sofie off again for kids camp, and one of the counselors made the comment that "most parents don't drop their kid off on the last day - we weren't expecting you." I felt judged big time. It felt like she was implying I didn't love Sofie enough to spend the day with her. Sofie had woken up at 6 that morning and had been pleasant for awhile but metamorphosed into a screaming, temper tantrum, walking nightmare from 7-8:30. She had been sneaking candy, and when she eats it before breakfast, it doesn't do nice things to her disposition. I know that I didn't need to justify my decision to drop Sofie off to Kids Camp. I just expected that they would do their job, take my kid, and let me have a couple hours of peace. Why did I feel so judged? I should have just told her to "F OFF"<br />
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I have had some time to think about it in the last day, and it rubbed me the wrong way because...<br />
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I am the single breadwinner in our family (full time middle manager in a technical industry), and sometimes I have a hard time accepting that I am enough and give enough to every stakeholder in my life. My husband is a full time homemaker.<br />
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It feels like most of my colleagues spend the 10-14 hours a day <i>in the office</i>. Why? I can only imagine that they 1) like to work, 2) are hiding from their significant others, 3) are really playing "worlds of Warcraft" or some other computer game, or 4) they are shopping/reading news/on eBay, etc. I spend 8 hours a day at work, working. I am there to get in, get work done, and get out. I also have about 90 minutes of commute on top of the 8 hours, plus an hour lunch. That means I spend at least 10 hours a day on work related activities, on a good day when I actually get out of work on time. and I am a person who used to be defined by my work. I love working. It makes it tough to not spend all my time at work. I feel guilt because I am not at work. Also, it is a highly political, tumultuous time in my industry, and people are being let go. I feel guilty that I am not doing enough.<br />
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Then, when I get home, I feel guilt about not being the best mom. Many other moms at my daughter's school are full time moms. They have time to make their daughter fancy dresses, go to the park, drop them off at school, pick them up at school, make dinner, go shopping, do soccer practice, do homework and volunteer at school. I am lucky to make Sofie breakfast, sometimes get her dressed, and have dinner with her. I also help with the bedtime routine, but a lot of the time, when I get home, I am worn out. I feel guilty I am not doing enough and giving enough.<br />
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Then, I look in the mirror and I see that I am 100 pounds overweight. I see the flaws - where I blew my knee out twice, where I broke my leg, where I broke my ankle this year, the scars, the flab. I feel guilt about not taking care of myself, not having self control and not respecting myself enough to not overeat.<br />
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I keep meaning to do things - schedule extracurricular activities for my daughter and myself, but it hasn't happened yet. Other moms seem to be arranging and facilitating activities for their kids. They supplement the existing school with languages and physical activities. Why am I not doing that? <br />
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At the end of the day, I need to tell the negative, nagging voice in my head to shut the fuck up. I have prioritized taking care of my family financially, and I need self care for myself too. I have provided amazing opportunities for my daughter that she never would have gotten if she had remained in China. She got her cleft palate fixed as much as possible for her age. She has gotten speech therapy and is up to age appropriate sounds (she could only do vowels and "m" and "n" when we got her). She takes piano lessons and dance lessons. I am teaching her to bake. I sing with her. We dance together. I helped provide an amazing opportunity to go on vacation to Jamaica. She has learned to swim. She is learning to read. I am a great mom, and I don't need to feel guilty about giving her to Kids camp for a few hours on our final day in Jamaica. I deserve rest and relaxation too.<br />
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I am enough. I just need to remind myself most days.<br />
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<i style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20.7900009155273px;">Don't know what #MicroblogMondays is? Check it out <a href="http://www.stirrup-queens.com/" style="color: #771000; text-decoration: none;">here.</a></i></div>
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Junebughttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13132807620707289161noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6256081865752886440.post-86548088134757767972014-12-23T10:13:00.001-06:002014-12-23T10:13:42.301-06:00Lazy Days<div><br></div>It's a lazy day in paradise, and I am feeling grateful. We picked a resort with kids camp, and Sofie went immediately after breakfast (chomping at the bit for fun)! The hubby has the flu (son of a gun... Life is not fair. He braved it Sunday, our travel day, and yesterday). I made him go to bed after breakfast in hope that his fever will break and that he will feel better tomorrow.<div><br></div><div>Here I am, sitting in paradise on our lovely balcony.<div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZVxvGP8UlpjvgmzUDUzBJ_qvYs0lwDX8Ff9qe7AjTv_YoiC_qY2dj-l5G1Y8Q9pddU1uiUl9J2jeGcbYUxV0ckM2aQCVonsk3KpjeyMPczC645EoBc8EQCFIZJp2DuY2gOooVFV3SWcw/s640/blogger-image--1656424423.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZVxvGP8UlpjvgmzUDUzBJ_qvYs0lwDX8Ff9qe7AjTv_YoiC_qY2dj-l5G1Y8Q9pddU1uiUl9J2jeGcbYUxV0ckM2aQCVonsk3KpjeyMPczC645EoBc8EQCFIZJp2DuY2gOooVFV3SWcw/s640/blogger-image--1656424423.jpg"></a></div><br></div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">I am thinking about grabbing a drink with rum and having some quality alone time. It is definitely solitude. Beautiful.</div>Junebughttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13132807620707289161noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6256081865752886440.post-8831722830846587442014-12-15T19:41:00.001-06:002014-12-15T20:01:34.751-06:00#MicroblogMondays - Christmas cookies galore<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I love the season of Christmas. Every year, I decorate the house while watching Christmas movies. The first movie is always "White Christmas." Phase 2 includes making Christmas food - cookies, fruitcake, chocolate truffles, apple pie - and watching more movies (National Lampoon Christmas vacation, home alone, miracle on 34th st...). The typical cookie fare includes sugar cookies, Norwegian gingerbread cookies (pepperspisser), Norwegian sand cookies (sandnoetter), toffee bars, candy cane cookies, and sometimes spritz. This year, I discovered the melted snowman cookies which are my new rockstar favorites. Basic 101 instructions are <a href="http://staceyssweetshop.blogspot.com/2009/12/melted-snowman-cookie-tutorial-part-1.html?m=1">here</a>. <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8XtSYWsrloLNI9KxXJs1tPpjQjo2swyA8E2_c0H_ANOX3OnHLqJfMrWW_T7djpI9Q6S-sKEhUbKsXSRANgwBGFxL4O2k7_rcDqafiPbBsrp7mIIT39hkyVouiGhlmw01YddmjOOcUT0M/s1600/sugar+cookies.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8XtSYWsrloLNI9KxXJs1tPpjQjo2swyA8E2_c0H_ANOX3OnHLqJfMrWW_T7djpI9Q6S-sKEhUbKsXSRANgwBGFxL4O2k7_rcDqafiPbBsrp7mIIT39hkyVouiGhlmw01YddmjOOcUT0M/s1600/sugar+cookies.jpg" height="320" width="240" /></a></div>
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I used Martha Stewart's <a href="http://www.marthastewart.com/272174/perfect-sugar-cookies-and-royal-icing">perfect sugar cookies and royal icing</a> recipes. So yummy! It will be a tradition for years to come! My innovation for the snowmen were the tic tacs for nose, googly eyes from the store, and pretzels for the arms. Using Martha's recipe + marshmallows yielded a taste that was creamier than a typical lemon sandwich cookie.<br />
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While we had the dough/frosting, we went crazy with other cutout/decorations.<br />
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The decorating was perfect for ages 5+.</div>
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What are your favorite Christmas cookies? Do you have a fun-gotta-try go to?<br />
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<i style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20.7900009155273px;">Don't know what #MicroblogMondays is? Check it out <a href="http://www.stirrup-queens.com/" style="color: #771000; text-decoration: none;">here.</a></i>Junebughttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13132807620707289161noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6256081865752886440.post-18117601975088139692014-12-11T09:53:00.000-06:002014-12-15T20:02:11.052-06:00Birth ParentsWhen I woke Sofie up this morning, she did this cat stretch thing that she does every single day. I was sitting, watching her, and wondering if it is what her birth mom or dad does every morning when they wake up. I don't do it. Her dad doesn't do it. I wonder how many of her gestures, looks, mischievous smiles, sunny personality, stormy moments, voices and characteristics are from her birth parents. <br />
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It is funny how I am so grateful to her birth parents and think of them almost every day. I feel connected to them through her, and I send so much love in my thoughts. I wonder if Sofie has brothers and sisters in this world. I wonder what they look like and what they do. I imagine that they are gymnasts and performers who found love early. I imagine they are married and thinking about Sofie every day. I imagine that they are full of joy and happiness and trusting the universe to take care of their beautiful girl. <br />
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For those who don't know, Sofie was left on the doorsteps of an orphanage on what they think is the second day of her birth. She was both a girl and had a cleft palate. In her province, only 1 child is allowed per family. I wonder if her parents had been loving and singing to her every day during the pregnancy. I wonder about their reactions when they realized that she was a cleft palate kid. I wonder if they knew she was a girl and planned to give her up for adoption anyway or if the cleft palate was what made it happen? I wonder what happened to her birth mom and dad.<br />
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I wonder when Sofie is going to start asking questions and worry that she isn't enough. I wonder if she will know in her heart that she has been wanted and loved since before the moment she was conceived, like a thought of a seed in the universe. She has such joy and purpose. She has such abundance of spirit. <br />
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How much is from me? my husband? from her? from the universe? from her birth parents and grand parents? Do they think of her every day and cry? Do they know she is loved and thriving and becoming an amazing young woman?<br />
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I wish they could hear my call and thoughts. If they could, I would tell them...<br />
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<li>We have an amazing child together</li>
<li>I am eternally grateful to you for sharing her with me</li>
<li>I wish I could send you updates so you could see how your sacrifice of love paid off</li>
<li>It is an amazing life and you are part of my family forever if you want it</li>
<li>I love you. Truly.</li>
<li>Thank you.</li>
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<br />Junebughttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13132807620707289161noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6256081865752886440.post-63334797848883840532014-12-08T16:41:00.001-06:002014-12-08T16:41:29.592-06:00#MicroBlogMondays - Magic Moment of the Week<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Yesterday, I had one of those "magic moments" that I wish I could experience forever. When Sofie woke up, she put on this little hot pink, sequined leotard with a skirt. Later in the day, she and I were watching "Whit.e C.hristmas" together (my favorite Christm.as movie), and although Sofie isn't quite old enough to watch the entire thing - she IS only five - Sofie tuned in when there was singing and dancing. When the musical number "I'd R.ather See a Mi.nstrel Show" began, she instantly engaged. By the time "Mandy" came on, she decided to dance with Vera-Ellen and copy everything that Vera did. I was watching the movie and Sofie together, in similar costumes with similar expressions of joy on their faces and for that moment, time stood still. I hoped she would love W.hite Chri,stmas, and I experienced everything I could have hoped for in that moment. <br />
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Have you had any magic moments lately?<br />
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<i style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20.7900009155273px;">Don't know what #MicroblogMondays is? Check it out <a href="http://www.stirrup-queens.com/" style="color: #771000; text-decoration: none;">here.</a></i>Junebughttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13132807620707289161noreply@blogger.com3