Tough Saturday

I had a bronchoscopy a few days ago, and the doctor took me off my antibiotics/steroids in order to prepare for it.  He took samples of the gunk in my lungs and sent it to the labs for processing.  In the mean time, I am on sustaining asthma meds with no steroids & doing breathing treatments every 4 hours.  I can't breathe still, and it is hard.

The hubby has a bad tooth that he meant to get a root canal on last week but due to weather related problems had to delay.  He is in extreme pain, and his face is swollen.

We are a challenged duo, and I have no idea how we will survive a fast paced weekend with Sofie.  Oh, did I mention it is raining too?  LOL.

I am taking my breathing treatment now, while he watches her.  It is the first moment I have gotten off since 7:00.  I am tired. I am really ready for this lung disease to pass.  I can't wait to find out what it is and to eradicate it from my system.  I wonder if I will have to go to Phoenix to dry out my lungs?

I am sorry if I sound whiny today.  We have extenuating circumstances, and this has been going on since October 12.  Such a long time.

Sofie is doing really good overall.  She seems healthy and is growing like a weed.  She is past 42 inches and weighs about 33.5 pounds.  Her speech has improved so much, it is amazing.  The speech therapist is so pleased with her ability to make lots of sounds.  I think having me home has really helped her speech development.  LOL. I am not sure she understands everything yet.  We are really struggling with telling stories and having her follow along.  She does really well with books where you identify 1 word at a time.  I am working on things by telling stories in the evenings, and we let her watch the same television programs over and over again until she has every word down.  I only get a little mental by watching the same show 6 times in a row...

So, think good thoughts for us.  We are hanging by a thread.  If anyone wants to come over and babysit (and take Sofie to a rainy park), just give us a call.

Back to work - Take 2

Some of you know that I have been really ill for awhile.  I was mostly out of the office from mid October through yesterday.  I did have a brief stint working part time in December, but then the doctor took me out again because he changed all my medications (5) and he didn't want me acting weird as my body adjusted.  It is a lung thing. I don't know when it will go away.  They don't know what it is.  They are going in and taking samples from my lungs on Thursday, and then it could take up to 10 weeks for results.  Yuck.

Anyway, at my last doctor's visit, he said, "are you bored? want to go back to work?" and I said sure.  I am not better, but at least I will have something to occupy my mind during the day.

I went back to work yesterday, and it kicked my butt.  I made sure I only worked my 8 hours (not 10-12 like "old me").  I had to do the drive back/forth (1 hour). I did breathing treatments in the office.  I came home, collapsed, and didn't spend any time with Sofie.  I just didn't have it in me.

Today, I woke up early, went early for my early meeting, and then had a breathing treatment in the office (hate it - we have windows in our offices, and there is no privacy). At about 11:30, I started having a full asthma attack, and my neighbor came into my office to see if I was going to die. He watched me do my inhalers and helped me packup my stuff to come home.  I was very self conscious about having him watch me do my inhaler.  What if he were grading my technique?  (Yes, I am a little crazy).

The good is that I have a full office in my house.  If I choose, I don't have to add the additional hour commute every day.  Also, I get to see Sofie in the morning.  Oh, and the office doesn't have to watch me take drugs every couple hours.

The bad is that Sofie has no idea why mommy can't play with her while she is in her meeting (and won't listen to me tell her that I can't do our morning routine).  We will see how it goes tomorrow.

Anyway, I am hoping I will get to keep working. It is good to be busy and do something useful. I hope I am getting enough oxygen to make good decisions (and that my personality isn't too affected by the meds).

Hopefully we can say goodbye to lung sickness soon.

Boundaries

Sofie is really testing her boundaries lately - especially with her dad.  She will be sunny most of the time and then her alter-ego comes into the house. Boom! Scream! Crash! Wail!  She screams for hours ... without tears ... She hits, she pinches, she head butts,  and she kicks.  Yikes!

Yesterday he spent an hour and a half trying to put her to bed.  This morning, he spent 45 minutes trying to take off her jammies.

She is only like that half as much of the time for me - but all it takes to bring out the alter ego is a look at her the wrong direction.  Or, I tell her something she knows she can't do.

I thought we had mostly passed out of the temper tantrum stage, but it seems like it is back.  It could be related to being home the last week and a half with us full time since school was closed (?).  She went back to school this morning so maybe things will return to normal now.

Anyway, I hope everyone is having a happy new year.

Happiness ahead

Time is flying. My brother went home. We had a great time. My parents arrived.  We had Christmas #1 on dec 25 and #2 on the 29th.  I am overwhelmed by the generosity of my family and friends.

As we move towards 2013, I am hopeful for the future. We survived our first year together.  That was the goal and we made it.

I am thankful for:
- a family that has accepted everyone in it.  I know other people whose family would disown them if they adopted despite infertility probs.
- a healthy, happy, smart, energetic little girl
- a supportive, loving husband who has really blossomed into an amazing dad
- having the resources to care for our family: house, food, warmth/cooling, car, clothes, medical resources, etc.
- surviving this bad bout of health challenges.  I am not fixed yet, but it is coming.
- having amazing friends who are my second family around the world. I am so lucky to have these people in my life. The little random things you do are so special to me. You know who you are. I love you.
- a job which allows me to express my creativity and a supportive boss
- music, being able to sing, pop stars, the guitar, making up silly songs for sofie she will sing for the rest of her life, and Christmas music
- art
- fiction books, reading, writing
- Sunrises and sunsets and the stars and the moon and the sky and the oceans and trees and wind, Jamaica
- living in the US
- fruits and vegetables - I love them. They flavor our life.
- having the best cats in the world. I am biased for sure.

I know. Some of the items are corny. I was trying to hit the big stuff.

For the new year, we are going to get a jar and write something good that happened for every day of the year. Then, next new years eve, we will read them all and see what we had happen. I am excited to see what is going to be coming.  There will be little things and big things, and taking that moment every day to hug the universe will keep things in perspective.

Happy new year!

Little Miracles

We had a Christmas miracle on December 24 - Suddenly, Sofie was saying "Go"sounds - she has never been able to really narrow down the glottal activation, and suddenly she was doing it. We made a huge deal of her achievement (ok, and I cried. I couldn't help it. She has worked so hard for it), and everyone was so happy.  I loved it.  Also, the morning of Christmas eve she made her first "k" sound, but I missed it.  These are huge miracles.

The Grandmas scored big on her presents this year.  Her Dad's mom bought her the first makeup set complete with 3 lipsticks, 10 lip glosses, 4 blushes, 2 powders, 10 eye shadows, mirror, and a partridge in a pear tree. Ha ha ha.  My mom got her a stroller for her baby and that was a huge hit as well.  She is rolling that thing through the house (and it is loaded up with every toy she can fit in there) and tried to take it out on the town with her yesterday.  The one thing she asked for (Hello Kitty Guitar) that Santa brought has not been nearly as popular.  Though, we have played together.  I think it is too big for her, but we had to get it.  The tone is NOT as nice as my guitar and the strings are all over the place.  I wonder if I re-stringed it, if it would sound better?

We had some amazing food - rack of lamb with fancy sauce, oven roasted potatoes, brussel sprouts, and christmas cookies... Julia Child's beef bourgenoin with noodles and riscrem.  It doesn't sound fancy but both evenings were a heck of a lot of work.  Oh, and Christmas morning I made poached eggs with smoked salmon, asparagus, hollandaise on English muffins.  It is my alltime favorite breakfast, and it is so rich, I only allow myself to eat it once per year.  By the time I was finished serving Sofie, my brother, and my hubby, the poached eggs were perfect!

Tonight we have some foreign friends coming over, and we are making a Norwegian Christmas dinner with pinnekjott (salted lamb ribs), boiled potatoes, kohlrabi, brussels (for me) and riscrem.  Usually, it is a pretty white meal.  I need green.  I wonder if we could get some carrots in there somehow for more color.  All the Norwegians will say I am spoiling the dinner, but ... I need veggies.

All the presents we got for Christmas are keeping Sofers busy most of the time.  We still need to go outside and run around, but a front has come through and it is very chilly.   My lungs are still goofy and I shouldn't be outside for long periods of time.  Since the weather got icky, my lungs are a mess again.  All my test results should come back next week so we can see if they can figure out what is going on.

Anyway, I wish you a Happy New Year.  We are continuing to make progress, and I am so glad of where we are.

Twas the night before ...

I can't believe that it is finally here.  It is so neat having a tuned-in child that understands English and knows what is about to happen.  Last year, we were in the midst of our new life, and Sofie had no idea.  Looking back, I hadn't realized how challenging everything really was (of course, I knew it was hard, but when you don't have communication - holy mackerel). Everything is so much better this year.  People tend to leave out the part about how hard it is during the transition with an international adoption of a toddler.  I had only read about how it would be 2-3 months before you could communicate & how it was easy to survive.  Now I know the truth.  It is hard - way harder than you could imagine.  Not only is your child grieving about the life they used to have, they have no way to express it except to act out, scream, cry, etc.  Sure, there are good moments, but it is pretty traumatic for everyone.

Anyway, the holidays are upon us, and the house is ready.  Presents are wrapped and hidden away.  Most of the cookies are made except some of them are disappearing fast and I will have to whip up another batch tonight.  I probably need to make some candycane cookies too.

We have gone to ecstatic dance twice (with me swaying a bit to the music and Sofie running, jumping, spinning, and dancing like the crazy toddler she is).  She loved it.  We didn't last 2 hours for either session, but we got our groove on.  She wore a tutu skirt both times, and it flares up as she spins which is an excellent excuse to spin as much as possible. My upper body strength is very impressive too for a pas de deux of jumping/spinning/tossing up/ etc.  

My brother is in town, and we went for noodles the other day.  Yummy.  Last night, we hit the lights at the zoo and went out for genuine tex mex at our favorite place down the street.  We are local legends (hahaha) and once our favorite waiter saw we were waiting, he got a table cleared for us 20 minutes faster than everyone else had to wait. It was awesome.  Tonight, the hubby is making rack of lamb. I think potatoes au gratin sounds really good too. And maybe brussel sprouts? I need to propose it to him when I am done blogging.  Oh, and tomorrow, I am looking forward to poached eggs on smoked salmon, English muffins, and hollandaise sauce for  breakfast.  I am not sure how that is going to play out with present opening, but I am sure everything will work out fine, right?  

Our speech therapist is here this morning working with Sofers, and they are outside playing.  A nice thing about living down South is that it is 70-something outside and sunny.  I have had my coffee.  All is good with the world.

I was trying to think of something exciting to post about.  I finally saw the pulmonary specialist, and he put me on 5 new medications.  The first couple days were shaky as I was transitioning, but I am breathing better.  I am going for a lung scan on Wednesday to make sure I don't have some sort of degenerative lung scarring disease that masks itself as asthma/pneumonia.  Everyone at the doctor's office was 70+ and really sick, and I hope that won't be me.  

Anyway, I hope you have a Merry Christmas (or happy holidays) wherever you are.   May next year bring forth good times, happiness, and joy.  

Super Saturday

I have been feeling so guilty about being sick every weekend since October 14. Actually, my husband has been sick too.  He had food poisoning, a cold, a cold, and then his back went out. I had a cold, bronchitis, pneumonia and the pneumonia never went away. This week was slightly better and I was released to go back to work part time - and I am meeting with a pulmonary specialist on Tuesday to figure out why it won't go away.  In the time we have been sick, we have increased our reliance on the tv to entertain Sofie.  I feel terrible about it, but we didn't really have much of a choice.  We are too acquainted with mickey minus clubhouse, Sofia the first, and cinderella.  Oh, and toy story, and toy story 2. And various christmas shows for toddlers.

So this morning when I woke up, I was determined to make today more of a fun day then we have had in awhile.  My good friend had a baby 3 weeks ago, and Sofie is obsessed with babies at the moment - him especially.  We went over to visit the newborn and mommy.  Sofie helped me hold the baby, petted him, cooed to him, made him smile, sang Christmas songs to everyone, and was her super charged, sweet self.  

We also joined an organic food coop a few weeks ago and she helped me pick up our share.  They were playing fun music and she danced around while I picked out produce, checked out, and carried to the Car.

Then, we decided to drive to china town because we were already halfway there and get noodles. There is a place we go that has food very much Iike the food where she grew up. It has been a few months since we visited since we have been so ill.  I got her favorite steamed and sautéed egg/mushroom/chinese onion bun and pork noodles with super fatty fried pork chop. I had bean curd noodles. It was all super yummy and she was doing her happy tummy food dance (it has been awhile) for an hour and a half while she ate with her chop sticks (I figured out a trick with 2 rubber bands and a chop stick wrapper to make them useful for her). She even gave me extra hugs and kisses she was so happy.

Then, we drove home jamming to "ghangam style" together.   We were both dancing and she was so happy. I love it when she beams like the sun.  What a magical day!

Later, the hubby took her out to a winter festival while I napped to recover.

All in all, I am really happy I put forth the effort, and it was worth it even though I am having a bit of lung pain now.  What a fun day!

Tomorrow, I am going to try ecstatic dance with her, even though I can't dance very much. I hope with lots of people dancing around us, she will get some of her energy out.  Crossing fingers. Hope I can dance a little bit.