Visitor Etiquette

My husband has invited various friends and family members to stay at our house almost non-stop since March.  The minimum time to visit has been at least 14 days and has extended to up to 30.  I am tired.  It is hard to work a full time job, have a newly adopted child, and cope with having strangers at your house for extended periods.  In retrospect, I should have said no blinking way.  I try to get along and be reasonable, but my patience has worn thin.  I want to write about things I wish I had said to get it out in the universe because I can't do this again.

Of course it is lovely to see you.  I know that you paid money to fly to visit us.  However, we don't come and stay at your house for over a week when we come visit.  When we do stay longer than a week, we paint your house & do tasks around the house to be helpful.  Since you insist on staying at our house, these are the rules.

- Activate your bank cards/ATM cards/credit cards before you come.  We are not a minibank.  If you do borrow money, pay us back and buy us a present for the inconvenience.

- When you come, rent a car.  If you do not plan to rent a car, plan your budget accordingly to account for transportation to/from our house.  Do not expect my husband to drive you everywhere at any time.  We are not going to be able to drop you off in another city 3 hours away for a fun weekend away.  It isn't "easy" to do that. Do not expect us to drive you to destinations more than an hour away without providing some gas money.  Do not expect us to wait in the car while you shop (again) at another mall (again).  If we have to work, do not expect for us to cancel our work to drive you to the mall.

- You are on vacation.  I am not.  Please don't demand that we keep your hours because I have to keep my job in order to provide a place for you to sleep your vacation.  Please be aware that being loud after I go to bed is a problem.  Also, our child must go to sleep at a normal time.  Please do not interfere with the schedule.

- Do not make snide comments about how much I work. I am extending my resources for the hospitality for your visit. If I didn't work as much as I do, you wouldn't have the luxurious guest amenities you have.

- When you come, budget to take us to dinner at least 1x per week that you stay.  You are staying at my house for free.  I am saving you $100-300/day in hotel fees. I am saving you $50/day in food fees.  You are using my resources (electricity, water, gas, waste, linens, appliances, coffee, food, etc).  The least you can do is pay for dinner at least once per week.  Even more would be appropriate - especially if you expect to go out to dinner a couple nights a week.  We eat at home most days because we can't afford to go out to breakfast/lunch/dinner every day.  When you expect for us to do this with you (because you didn't rent a car and you don't feel like cooking/buying food or do not enjoy our food), please be aware that you are changing our lifestyle while you are here.

- I am not your maid service.  If you need to clean something, wash it.  Do not leave crumbs around my house.  Put your plates in the dishwasher.  We live in the South and there are bugs.  When we told you do not open food in your room, we meant it.  When you left the candy/chips/cookies open in your room, we got an ant/cockroach problem.  It was real thoughtful of you to leave special guests.  We had to invite an exterminator to visit regularly because you wouldn't respect our rules.

- If you plan to eat dinner with us, come down when we eat.  Otherwise, do not under any circumstances text us to bring you food in your room or on the balcony.  We do not do room service.  We are not a hotel.  If you want to stay at a hotel, we can recommend some with room service.

- When you have gone shopping, bought 3 extra suitcases, and have so many clothes you can't carry them home and have to pay overage fees, don't expect us to feed you indefinitely and definitely don't complain you don't have money.  Don't expect us to drive you to the airport in 2 cars.  Don't expect us to carry your suitcases to check in, and it is not ok that you expect us to pay the overage fees.

- If you break or ruin something, replace it.  Don't pretend that you didn't know you broke it and leave it.  If you stain something, let us know so we can try to fix it.

- It would also be ok if you offered to babysit one night during your visit so that my husband and I can go out to dinner. We have even less alone time than usual with your visit, and it really feels like you are taking advantage of us.

- We are open to going out and doing things with you.  Do some homework before you come and don't expect us to be your tour guide for the 2-4 weeks you are visiting.  You are independent when you are home. Be independent when you stay with us.

- Explore the US.  There are many things to see in the US, and there is a world out there waiting for you.  Our place isn't the most exciting place to see.  Make us a 4-6 day stop and then keep on going.  We will have more love for one another if you think about this.

Ok. I said my peace. Thanks for listening.  If I have offended you, think about how you would feel in my shoes.  They have been heavy lately, and the financial impact of your visit is going to be impacting me for at least another 6 months.