Coming up on 2 years

November marks the 2 year anniversary of our forever family with Sofie.  We have come so far.

Last night, I was feeling blue about a few things, and our little Sofie sensed it and turned the tables on me.  She sang, "I love you so much, I love you so much, I can't even tell you how much I love you... You're special to me, your're special to me, I'm so glad to have you as part of my world..." (Barbara Milne - http://www.amazon.com/I-Love-You-So-Much/dp/B0040PV2TE)  

I have been singing that song to Sofie almost every day for 2 years. I sing it in the morning when she wakes up along with "Good Morning to You". I sing it in the evening before she goes to sleep (along with "Mamma loves the baby" and "Wo ai ni".  We sing it when she is sad, and now she sings it right back to me to get the message across.  It was so heart warming and it made me feel better.

She has changed our lives inexplicably so much, and I am so blessed with every day with her.  She is so kind and sweet and loving and thoughtful and playful and so many other things.

I wanted this blog to also inlcude a time capture of what was happening in our lives at this time, so I am going to add a few fun facts about where she is...

Sofie can ...
- Count to 39
- Write all her letters
- Sing all the words to Katy Perry's song "Roar"
- Swing almost over the bar by her own energy
- long jump 5 feet
- high jump 2 feet
- pirouette 2 times
- jump from a deep squat
- throw a ball 20 yards
- read "mommy loves sofie" "sofie loves daddy"
- complete the full choreography & song to Sophia the 1st's "I'm not ready to be a princess"
- build lego palaces
- blow bubbles
- make sounds with the flute and the oboe
- make up songs with her own lyrics and remember them
- season meat/pork chops and popcorn
- stir cookie dough without getting flour all over the place
- sweep the floors
- clean her room/make her bed/clean woodwork
- cook imaginary banquets
- make up stories
- direct plays
- act as the leader and the "caboose"
- ride a bike/scooter

Sofie was a lady bug for Halloween and charmed everyone on the block to give her candy.

She is a super special kid.  Thank you for sharing this journey with me.

Birthdays and stuff

It's my mom's birthday today and I am missing her. I know the time will go fast with Sofie and I spend time imagining what life will be like when she is thirty-something. Will she live on the same continent or will she be jet setting like I am today? Will she have a family or will the career come first? What will life be like in 30-something years? What jobs will there be at that time? It is fun to ponder as I am making strategic plans at work for the next 10 years...

Life has been good. I went to Paris for my new job last week and things were fine with her while I was gone. She has been a bit clingy since I got back but so have I.  Everything is changing with my life at work, and I am still trying to figure out the work-life-mom-balance thing.  She continues to be a huge joy in my life. I love her light.

I got some really good news at the doctor this week - It seems like I am mostly recovered from the illness that started about 12 months ago. I have to not get a cold/flu and stay well, but my lungs have recovered so much. The second surgery also seems to have kept things free and clear so far.  I hope to be done with this stuff by the end of the year.

Hope all is well where you are.

The start of fall - Application of Love and Logic

Hello Friends!

As you know, Sofie is an amazing bundle of energy and joy (most of the time joy - sometimes crazy). We are so blessed that she joined our family.  Next year she starts kindergarten, and it amazes me how grown up she will be.  The time where she was a short toddler singing "twinkle twinkle" seems like a distant memory. 

For these crazy times, we ordered the 0-6 Year box set of Love & Logic, which included 2 books and 4 CDs.  It has been an experiment applying these techniques to our 4 year old.  Sometimes they work, sometimes they don't.

The whole premise is that you are consistent with your child at all times and let THEM figure out what went wrong & avoid the mishap again.  It is tricky to see that your child is going to have an "accident" - whether dropping a cup on the floor, flipping a chair onto another person, or having dinner time be over because they are flinging food across the room.  You express sadness that the accident occurred, and you let the child take responsibility for himself/herself.  Sofie has had to own up to a lot of these types of situations (when she flipped her chair at a restaurant and hit another lady -we didn't see that coming- she had to apologize and figure out what happened there).  Now, if we say, "Do you remember what happened to you at that restaurant" when she is wiggling like a maniac on her chair, she does and immediately stops.  We have also taken away the 3-strikes-you're-out timeout scheme we had, and there are immediate consequences if she continues a course of action we have requested that she stop.  She can choose between a time out on the stairs or some quiet time in her room until she is ready to "be sweet".  The last thing we have done is given her a ton of decision making capacity so she is in control of what is happening.

In the morning ..."Do you want kefir or fruit first"...

... At bedtime, "do you want to brush your teeth or put on jammies first"...

Etc. 

It has given her a lot of her control back, and she is definitely more willing to do occasional commands more often without a fight.  We also don't spend a lot of time reasoning with her which made a huge difference.

There are still the occasional temper tantrums occurring, but they are much less frequent than before.  I recommend it to anyone.  You can also use this on kids, tweens, teens, and adults. I have had success using it with a difficult colleague actually too.

It has been very exciting.

Sofie recently got a new teacher at school, and it seems like there are bumpy times ahead.  At first, she was getting star daily ratings, and this week, something is going on at school where Sofie is rebelling a bit.  I am not sure if it is the management style or Sofie testing limits again.  I also have been working more (got a new job and my boss was in town last week), so this might be part of it.  I am headed out of town this week so it will be interesting to see how it goes.

A funny thing that has recently happened is that Sofie has been assigning us names & characters and directing our play.  She tells me that I am Soda & she is Hildegard - yes, she made up these names and we dont know their significance - it was hilarious the first couple times.  She uses the names all the time, and sometimes we are bears or mice or monsters or cooking... It makes me laugh.

We are also working on baking/cooking with Sofie.  She has become our main stirrer and seasoner of cookies and dinner.  This morning, we made apple juice together, and the fruit of our labor (hahaha) was delicious.  She sure loves to help us cook.

Anyway, this is the end of my quiet time.  I Hope you have a super week.

Saying goodbye to an old friend

On another topic, today is officially day 1 of the 'eat to live' plan. 

I have been doing the plan for the last couple weeks but I had a hard time committing to give up one holy grail addiction that seems to be pretty important - caffeine.  Let me just say, I love coffee. I love its warmth and dark flavor. I love the smell wafting from the coffee pot. I love selecting the right mug that meets my mood and pouring my brew slowly into the cup. Yes, I burn my mouth each morning with that first sip I can't resist. I love taking my time with that first cup in the morning. I will miss it. Decaf doesn't do it for me, unfortunately. I always get heartburn. 

The plan talks a lot about caffeine and it long term effects on the body. I want to be healthy and live as long as I can.

So, I gave it up the coffee cold turkey this morning.  I am feeling the effects of detox already and have a major headache. I am already tempted to make a quick, small pot... To just have a single cup to take the edge off the pain of giving up my morning companion.  They say the pain won't last and that I can do it. I will just have to do this one day at a time and hope for the best. 

Good bye old friend.

Tantrum City

Summer is coming to a close for most kids and I am grateful we have one more year of Sofie at home with us.  Yes, she goes to preschool but everything will be different so soon. I can't believe we will be coming on 2 years with her in our life in November. It will be here before I know it.

We are struggling a bit with her a bit lately.  She is really pushing boundaries and has this tone that really grates on my soul.  If she doesn't get what she wants, the temper tantrum starts.  It doesn't happen consistently but today has been one big tantrum day.  Yikes.

Any suggestions?

Grey clouds

I am sitting down for a moment and thinking of kindness.

Sometimes I find it really hard in my heart to show it to everyone. When I am harboring some anger and resentment, I don't know what to do with the rage. It boils inside of me and I want to hit things.  What do I do?

I am sitting here breathing and hoping everything will be ok. Despite the lack of kindness some people display, I have to hope that if I keep doing the same thing, they will eventually grow up.  They will see the amazing people they have in their lives who have lifted and supported them during tough times.  Maybe they will never be able to extend the thankfulness and graciousness that I wish they would find.

All I can do is my best.  And visualize light. And be light in my heart and thankful for the goodness in my life.  I guess that is the answer to kindness.  And if I kill them with kindness, then so be it.

Tea Party Time

I completed a weekend full of fellowship, and it was so good.

When I was caught up in work and 'life' in the past, the first thing that went away was meeting up with friends. It was too easy. That transition between university and being a 'grown-up' broke the convenience of my friends living no more than 3 blocks away.  I moved to a new city.  

It suddenly became 'work' to have to drive that extra 30 minutes to see someone for an hour.

That first year, I made the effort. Through networking, a group of young single ladies came together and we did try to keep that university meet-up kind of thing going on... But then I started traveling and life got complicated. I met someone and moved to Norway and had to start over again.  This was the time before Internet, and it was just different.

When I returned back to the US, everyone I knew was gone from inside the city. The closest friends had moved an hour away & had kids, which made meeting up that much harder.  New friends were harder to find because I was working all the time, and my positions were not always enjoyable (which did not attract happy people to me).  Then, came another move. And then another.  It was hard to remember what having close friendship in my life felt like.

Flash forward to 17 years later, and I am experiencing a renaissance. I am meeting people in my community and it is easy to meet up because we live 5 minutes away. We have similar interests and we see each other 4-5 days a week.  When people come to town, I am making an effort to see them. They helped shape me, and we are connected.  

I make regular appointments with people who are a priority for me, and I show up even though it is work to get there because I have realized life is so much better with them in it.

For the special friends who don't live close, I make the effort to be connected.  It is worth it.

Our adoption process felt like we took everyone on the journey with us (at least my friends), and as we live and grow together, we are each connected through the experience.

It is really nice that I have built the foundation to manage the friendships i have from all walks of life. I am grateful that I have people who know who I am in the deepest recesses of my heart. I am grateful that the right people come into my life when I need them. I realize that friendship and support is necessary to make it through the tough times & it's the icing on the cake the rest of the time.

Go eat some cake with your best friends.