Google Translate - Mommy's new best friend

So a few days ago, I was feeling blue and like we had a major communication issue in the house.

Every time I left (to go check the mail, get something in the garage, run an errand, etc.), Sofie exhibited behavior of extreme sadness, abandonment, and loss.  She was crying all the time.  We weren't sleeping. We were all crazy.

At the end of my rope, I resorted to Google Translate to try to bridge the gap.  I came to this realization at 4:30 in the morning one of the nights Sofie wouldn't sleep.  It sounded really logical to me to get the application to talk to her.  I knew that the "translator" was hit or miss.  When you compare the English to Norwegian translation, it is so/so, but something is better than nothing so I gave it a go.  It didn't matter that she didn't speak Mandarin (but some other dialect with another name...).  I was sure that this would help.

Before using the application, I thought about a few topics to cover.  I wanted to:
Explain that we thought she was doing a great job trying to learn English.
Explain that I was sorry we didn't speak Chinese but that things would get better.
Reassure her that I was going out, I was running errands & promised to come back.
Explain that we were her forever family - that I would be her mommy for the rest of her life (whether she likes it or not when she becomes a tween), that I would always come back, and that we both loved her very much.

I added in a request that she not to cry unless she was really hurt because we were worried about her.  I explained that her new name was Sofie. I am sure I am forgetting some of the messages we shared.  I would translate a thought, say it in English, and then let Google Translate say it in Chinese about 2-5 times.  Sometimes Sofie repeated the words in Chinese. Sometimes she smiled.  She gave me a hug afterwards.

Her behavior did change immediately.  I still can't go to the bathroom with the door locked (wailing like cats that want to come in too), but I went to an appointment later that day and she kissed me goodbye & didn't cry.  It was amazing.  For the most part, when I leave the house, she is much more comfortable these days.  I think she must have understood at least some of the concepts I wanted to convey to her.

She is calling herself Sofie in pictures when we ask her who is in them. She also still cries with temper tantrums when something happens that she doesn't expect, but it was an amazing intervention.

Thank you Google Translate.

Friends and Family

I wanted to thank everyone for their help and support. It means a lot to me to know that I am not alone in my quest.

By posting about my feelings the other day, it allowed me to release them and move on. Things are much better. I got some sleep. Sofie continues to develop and grow.

We had a great night last night with friends and family. Sofie is an amazing dancer and I am waiting for posts to YouTube to show up of our amazing girl. She can really get down and boogie!

Hope you are having a good one.

Perception vs Reality

I have been ruminating about things to write about for the last week.

It has been awhile because we are working on getting into our routine, Christmas came, my parents visited, and we are trying to get into the routine again.  I also wanted to stay upbeat.  I am struggling for that at the moment.

There were many expectations for this child.  At least 13 years worth if I am counting married years or about 20 years if we are talking about how long I have been thinking about having a child.  It is awfully hard for our child to live up to those expectations.

Everyone tells me how amazed they are at the transition with Sofie, how happy she seems, how they can't believe how fast she is learning English, etc. etc. etc.  I don't know if they are trying to build me up or if they are real comments.  For every step forward, there are 20 steps back.  She still doesn't know that her name is Sofie after having us call her that for 7 weeks.

I am exhausted.  It feels like most days are crawling along, and all I deal with are tantrums and crying.  She still isn't sleeping through the night most nights, and I am not getting a lot of sleep.  The hubby can sleep through anything, and I am doing the majority of the night time, morning, and evening support.

She has really attached to her Dad but not to the point where I can lock the door when I go to the bathroom, leave the house without her, or run errands without her.  I am shackled to a 2 year old with separation anxiety and abandonment issues.  No wonder.  Her foster parents did not prepare her in any way for this transition, and it has been unbelievably difficult for this adored child to have her life turned upside down.

The weight feels heavy.

I asked for this.  I wanted it.  I want it.

I had an all time low this week and became a "What not to wear" wannabe.  I was wearing an oversized, old, grey cubs t-shirt (with a hole in the armpit; didn't realize it had a hole until her Dad pointed it out later), jeans, old tennies, a very messy pony tail, no makeup, and an old windbreaker.  Her Dad told me that I resembled a homeless person and he would have given me a dollar.  I hadn't really combed my hair that day, and we left the house to go shopping because I have work-wear and grunge-wear and not a lot in between.

Since that reality check, I have been trying to make the effort to go through the motions and get dressed, shower, put on make up, and be ready to leave the house.  The honest truth is that I don't have time to leave the house, check my email, update facebook, exercise, read a book, go for a walk, etc.  

I need a break or a babysitter or something.  Maybe an uninterrupted night's sleep.

My reality is not what I expected.  I thought it would be easier.  I thought she would be faster at speaking English.  I thought she would accept 2 caregivers.  I thought we would take more turns and I would be allowed to shower in peace.  I thought she would sleep through the night.  I imagined going to the zoo, the beach, the park, shopping, etc every day.  Some days it is an achievement to get her dressed.

I think most parents experience this but don't articulate it.  Maybe it is easier for them because their children speak some of the language.  I don't know.

The good news: Sofie is thriving; she grew and inch and gained 3.5 pounds.  Her hair continues to grow.    Her hearing was checked, and it looks like she has good hearing.  We have an appt with the Shriners on the 25th to discuss the cleft palate repair plan.  Things are moving.

I am treading water this week.  Maybe next week will be better.

Christmas is coming

Christmas is coming, the goose is getting fat...

We are madly scrambling to get everything together for Christmas.  We shipped to Norway & Illinois.  I am still working on Christmas cards & we need to find a photo that we could send to everyone that isn't a little out of focus.  The phone is very convenient for snapping pictures, but they aren't the best quality.  I keep meaning to go to JCPenney's for portraits, but it hasn't happened yet.  Maybe today.

I made sandnotter and sirupsniper (like pepper-gingerbread cookies) for her Dad (he is rejoicing behind me for that), and Sofie actually helped cut out some of the sirupsniper with a star cookie cutter. She didn't quite get it (some funny shapes where she cut with no dough), but she had some fun doing it.

It is raining like cats and dogs here (finally) and it seems like going to the park will be out of the question for the 2nd day in a row.  We might have to visit Gymboree today too.

Sofie continues to amaze me.  Yesterday, she was a little parrot, repeating everything we said.  She is still having problems with "b's", "d's", "p's" and "t's", but she is really coming along with the vowel sounds and combining with m, n, s, th...

We might have been accepted by the Shriners to do all her cleft palate/plastic surgery work for free.  They have booked us for a hearing test next week & said they will pay everything that the insurance doesn't pay.  We are also booked to be evaluated by the team (ENT, plastic surgeon, speech pathologist, etc.) at the end of January.  It would be wonderful if the Shriners would be able to help us out with her recovery for free.

I am a little homesick at the moment but am looking forward to upcoming family visits in the next few months.  I am contemplating making a Christmas tree coffee cake (my mom's speciality) but I am not sure who would eat it... we don't have enough mouths in the house to do it justice.  I can't believe Christmas is already here.

The house is half-@$$ decorated and I think it is going to stay that way.  I just don't have the time to devote to it, and I don't want everything to break.

Ok, she up.  Have a great one!

Adapting to changes

It has been about 2 weeks since we got home, and we continue to adjust to one another.

We have finally got Sofie on Central Time.  It is wonderful.  This morning, she is still sleeping at 8:00.  We went to a fancy park yesterday, and Sofie ran around for more than an hour so I think she was extra tired.

I am feeling much better, though my eyes still have a tinge of pink.  The antibiotic my doctor put me on really packs a punch though, and it knocks me on my butt for the first 4 hours after I take it.

Oh, she is awake.  I will have to post more later.  Take care.  Happy Holidays.

The bugs have landed

The 3 flights we took to the US really packed a punch. Her Dad got a bug, and now Sofie and I are suffering. I was diagnosed with pinkeye & a virus and Sofie has stopped eating. He is still sick.

I don't have the words to really talk about being sick. It is extra challenging since Sofie can't tell us what hurts.

Tomorrow will be better

Hello, Kitty

Sofie is all about cats at the moment. We got her some Hello Kitty slippers yesterday because her feet are so cold and there are great big cats on the toes. Before she puts them on, she kisses each cat. Too cute. It makes my heart smile. Also, she has conquered her fear of Pita and she calls to her "hiiiiieeeeyyyy eeeta" because she can't say "p's". And she pets, kisses, squeezes, and loves on Pita all day. Love it.